Dreamcatcher

So it's been day 5 stuck in the house because of the snow. We kind of live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees, so there are really no plows that make it this way. We had 14 inches the other day and another 5 last night. The driveway is long...I mean like...really long, but despite all that my husband had decided the best bet is to try to shovel the snow out of the drive:)
He worked all day yesterday outside shoveling. The irony? It dumps another 5 inches last night. HA! Now he is silently lying on the bed giong crazy! I can't help but laugh at him though. So with all that being said, because of it being day 5 in the house, I have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of writing. Here is something new just for fun from Iris' view. Enjoy!

~Dreamcatcher~
Desperation, fighting air,
Pleading, deapening, empty there.
Hands fumble and find your face,
Reaching, endless into space.
Ice cold frost on your lips,
I shudder deep, involuntary twist.
Ally dark, deep, never knowing,
Puddle warm, red, and ever flowing.
Adrenaline unleashed, hysteria raised,
Foggy, unclear, like a tripped up maze.
Hair entangled, my shirt is wet,
The future is mangled,
By an imaginary bet.
Indecipherable, my memory can't understand,
It should serve me correctly,
for my unfair hand.
It's like a puzzle,
That was never meant to be finished,
Your hope is half hearted,
Then is fully diminished.
Moonbeam streams through my fingertips,
and then glimmers in your hair,
Mist floating on your pale skin,
Fresh, bare.
Flashes of a rope swinging from a tree,
Flashes of a rope beckoning me.
Exposed and raw,
New moments with you,
My hands fumble again,
With everything that you do.
Blonde hair, blue eyes,
Blonde hair, green,
A Rose smelling sweet,
And as untamed as me.
Awaking my eyes,
Igniting the spark,
With embers and fire,
In a dreamcatchers heart <3

Fire and Ice

It's cold outside,
Ice and snow,
Picturesque sky,
With nowhere to go.

Down by the creek,
Frozen and chilled,
Animal tracks,
Perfectly skilled.

Layered in white,
Branches bend at their will,
Screams of birds,
Wide eyed and still.

No sign of life,
Standing in one moment,
I hold it tight,
And silently own it.

Peeking for green,
None to be found,
Only a blank sheet,
Spotted with brown.

Fire can melt ice,
Like the fire in your eyes,
But fire only burns with desire,
And extinguishes with good-bye.

Surrounded by wood,
A foot of snow,
The fire is dust,
Covered below.

"Cassie" Cover

This has always been one of my favorites by Flyleaf. This is my cover to "Cassie." If you haven't heard this band, check them out. It's rare that a group of people can be so beautifully, and musically talented! I apologize if you can't hear the guitar well. I couldn't but I don't know if it was just my computer:)

A New Journey

I apologize for not updating lately. I know excuses are excuses but as for mine at first it was holidays that busied me and then I have recently been ill. I am recovering though and look forward to more chats and updates with my readers.
I am excited to say that Cressen Books Publishing and I have teamed up and I have been lucky enough for them to add me into their circle of writers and friends. I have hopeful aspects for this journey and can predict a promising 2013. More updates will be made in the future about my work, but as for Cressen Books themselves please check out their website linked to my blog. They are a group of very kind and talented people and they have a selection of books on their site that you may be interested in while you wait on me! Please also like their facebook page! The more the better and it would be a great favor to me as well.
I will have more updates, errant thoughts, poems, and songs in the near future and actually have another performance at the Muddy Boots Cafe' on December 19th from 6-8 p.m for anyone who will be in the Nashville area.
Until then "like" Cressen Books, and check them ouut if you would like! Below is the link to their facebook page and onn my blog is the link to thier site.
Enjoy your holiday shopping and remember what the season is all about! All my love...
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cressen-Books-LLC/217445511602792

The Best Day-with Daddy:) For your birthday!

For my daddy's birthday today! I love you and thank you for giving me your eyes <3

Stay

Three words. Don't leave me. The only words that are said during someones hour of desperation. They are only said by someone who can't imagine you not being a part of their life. No one says this unless absolutely neccessary. Nobody says this unless their gaurd is let down for just an instant, and no one says this unless they are scared. I have uttered these words before as I looked into the persons eyes. I have felt so alone, so empty that all I could do was cling to the hope that this one person would stay. Because when you say "Don't leave me" you are saying, I am scared, please stay. Stay. You are saying talk to me, sing to me, or just simply lay with me. Help me block the world out for just a little while. Don't say anything, just let me feel you so that I can know that I am not alone. In this world together. I used to say that to someone.
And if the person loves you, truly loves you, they will stay. They won't leave you alone to drown by yourself. They won't allow your heart to break without trying to mend it, and whether or not they believe it themself they will tell you that it's all going to be okay. They will let you soak their chest in tears and rub your hair back out of our face in a way that can only be comforting. For just a moment you'll feel the peace of a child.
So being on the other side of the fence at a time in my life, please, when and if someone tells you "Don't leave me" just stay. Because they would never has said it if they didn't trust you enough, if you didn't mean that much to them, if your comfort is the only thing that couldn't settle their soul. They wouldn't drop that gaurd at all. So stay.

Words

Words. Words that could mean everything. Words that can't be said, but only written down whether or not anyone will ever read it. Words that are not of the mind but of the heart, bleeding out into black ink on a blank white page. Euphoric melodies of the imagination, to the depths of our souls, blended into a harmony, a peace beyond any ones capability of understanding.
Honestly, with me...I've always been let's say... well, my sociability has always been a little on the awkward side. I laugh when I'm not suppose to. I giggle and smile when I get nervous, and when I'm really nervous I start singing and dancing apparently. I know right? So when it comes to talking I'm not very good. When It comes to singing or when it comes to writing? Words that I can piece together specifically the way that they are meant to come out, I am good at. So since we're a talking about words, ones communication with people, the human race, the outside world, let's talk about the timing of them.
I have lost  people in my life.  Loss has no limits, no exceptions, no mercy on who it hits. I have seen the loss of people from the mere age of sixteen to eighty two. It's a loss beyond a comprehension of any words, it's inconsolable, and I have felt my heart break into pieces. Time heals. Not entirely true. Time only numbs.
So back to words. It doesn't matter if we have to write them, sing them, spell them, speak them, or chisel them into concrete. They need to be said. The older I get then truer it gets.
And this isn't to scare because lives and choices should not be based and lived on fear. It should simply be...lived. With all of our experiences, all of our losses, and gains. All of the footprints embedded on our hearts, our memories. Take it in. Relish it. And remember the very moments in time that you were the happiest. Remember the times that mattered and look forward to every bit of your future.

I like you

You were twenty six, older then me. But I didn't care in the state of dreaming. Warm conversation and empty hearts. We'd given up on love. We only wanted to restart. My ex kept calling, I inevitably silenced the phone. You laughed about it when we were alone. You had a fight in your demeanor. I had a wide eyed gaze. Yellowcard playing in a near empty room. Endless...colored...graceful days. We broke where we bent. Time well spent. It never occured to me that I would never see you again cause I liked you. I liked you. I liked you. Rock, paper, scissors. I always beat you. Friends and t.v, just you and me-
And fireworks on top of your car. Finding out who you really are. And you asked about life. I answered with a sigh...that I...
I like you. I like you. I like you.

In Our Eyes

He had those shining blue eyes and I had just a reason to stay. I'd never imagined it would all go away. I smile when I remember you, before I remember that you're gone. What a sad, tragic, ending to a love. What a sad, tragic ending to a love. It's never been told, though you've heard it before. It echoes in nightmares, the ending of dreams. You've heard it in water, drowning fast now, getting stronger. A story untold. A story best known, in our eyes. There's only beeping machines and a silent t.v. All these ghosts look like you and me. What the hell do I do with what's left now? Worn out t-shirts I've seen a hundred times. Telling everyone that I'll be just fine. But I won't. But I won't. I see you in conversation about anything but how you feel. Lips warm, eyes bright, looking the way you did that starry night. We speak again but not about what's really been. Because we're breaking . Oh, because we've both lost too much. I wake up but you're not there. I try to sleep so you'll reappear. 'Cause your favorite sweater still hangs on the back of my chair, even now. After all this time.

For mama:) Bette Davis Eyes (Cover)

From the time I can remember my life and family has been centered around writing and music. The love for music started at a very young age. And between my mother and grandma I knew of a very wide range of music from all different decades and genres. From swing, to big band, then we have folk, and blues, all the way to 60's and 70's classics, to 80's rock. Then when I was a teenager I introduced myself to the music from today that I have also come to love. This song specifically is for my mother Robin. Bette Davis Eyes was introduced to me as a young teen and it instantly became one of my favorite songs. Mind you that I am no Kim Carnes, and also mind you that this was done in one take and I had only learned it a few days ago. So here's to music, here's to the classics that have made it all the way to today's era, and all the music that has survived generations through the times and changes of society and life. Here's to the parents that teach such a range of music. Here's to head banging in the backseat when you're a baby. Here's to niave teenage parents that had their babies, loved them and have made it despite of mistakes. Things that a parent instills in their children survive, grow, flourish, and make it with them through their life and into adulthood. These precious things are then passed on to their children who will hopefully embrace them and turn them into cherished memories.  Here's to you mama...<3

Abyss

The abyss is deep, black, ever flowing,
Fearful, empty, never knowing.
Step off the edge,
Free fall through,
Thick, dark clouds,
Are swallowing you.
Consumed with burning,
Counting mistakes,
Tally up the flaws,
Everything is at stake.
I've been shoved,
I've been beat,
It was stupid to wait,
I would tell you that I miss you,
But it's too late.
I've stood in the rain,
I've drank in the night,
I have paid my fair share,
I have never been right.
I love you more, and more today,
I  love you now,
I loved you yesterday.
My chest feels tight,
My heart is in my throat,
Only memories left,
And pathetic, empty notes.
You are intruding,
Breaking my defense,
Devouring my dreams,
Now nothing makes sense.
The abyss equals crazy.
Do you wonder if I am?
I'm still free falling,
As fast as I can.
All in my mind,
Still on the edge,
Dreamed in a vision,
I've tip toed the ledge.
I am not a bird,
I am not a hero,
My sword in not here,
The blood count is zero.
I am not a bird.
But I have one broken wing,
I write what I know,
I write what I sing.
I put my arms down,
And take a step back,
Leaving the ledge where it is,
Compassion is what it lacks.
I breathe in the night,
And release a few tears,
You are not in the abyss,
In fact, you still reside here.

Let's get a like for anyone who agrees

It's funny how some people get some weird twisted impersonations of a others being weak in the mind, and in strength. I am not sexist. This goes for everybody. There are a lot of lovely men out there, that talk intellectually to women, who see them for who they are, and who do not try to take advantage. Some of my friends are kind like this, some of my family, and even my husband, and I have the upmost respect for them. But speckled in is a person who thinks that they can call you honey, beautiful, dear, sweetheart, and you will get weak in the knees. Your heart will just melt and you are at their bidding. Seriously? Granted, some women (and men) may be like this, but it doesn't qualify for everyone.
I was naive and very trusting when I was younger. As I grew my ignorance turned to strength and questioning, and my trust diminished drastically. I look for others ulterior motives, any other angles they may try to hide, I look in their eyes, and listen to their voice first to make a decision on if they could ever be trusted in any way. I am not cynical. I am safe. I do have a gaurd. Not to mention that by nature I am an awkward person. I've come a long way with my emotions and mentality. I've come along way in the issues of learning and living. Learning all of this has cost me, but it has made me who I am and I would not take that back. Because who I am has given me a physical, mental, and emotional strength. And I know that there are other men and women out there who has had to learn painful lessons in the past, men and women who won't go back to how they were. So sweet nothings? Nonsensical talking? We're not falling for it. I'm not falling for it. So honey, walk away.

Deep In The Meadow/ Rue's Lullaby Cover

Here's a cover song for all of you. It's Deep In The Meadow/ Rue's Lullaby from The Hunger Games Soundtrack. I sing it to my kids everynight before bed. I hope you enjoy it <3

Reasons To Fight

Lion or the lamb? Which one are you? Are you going to be led by nonsensical views to your death and destruction? A wolf in sheeps clothing filled with empty promises. Will you fight until the end and then rise above all that had been. Don't be fooled by sweet nothings. Don't be tricked by the mouth the poison seeps from. Don't back down. Don't die for nothing. Make it worth while <3 If you can't find any reason to carry on, here's some REASONS TO FIGHT. Enjoy!

Throw down the sword,
Then await the slaughter,
Drawn by your mouth,
Drawn to the water.

As a lamb,
Being prepared for a feast,
Pull up a chair,
To say the least.

Onset by foolishness,
And a thousand blind eyes,
Ignoring the truth,
Dripping in lies.

The dead being led,
By their own feet,
Smiling as they walk,
A line of fresh meat.

Watched at in awe,
Not a tear to show,
How can you be so stupid?
You really should have known.

Death, shame, threats,
Heart's torn,
You wear it on youur sleeve,
It's faded and worn.

It should have been covered and hidden,
Barely human to the naked eye,
It should have been forbidden,
So no one could see the wild you hide.

It would have been safer,
Had your armor been on,
Now you are weak, defenseless,
Screaming for more.

As you trot to the fire,
Your children behind you,
You think that you are above,
Anything that they could do.

Arrogance is dangerous,
You're incompetent and disgusting,
To lead your son and daughter,
Straight to the gutting.

Do you believe the smiles,,
In spite of what you know now?
Venom seeping through,
You did everything but bow.

You broke a few hearts,
Fighting your defense,
Your fighting meant nothing,
You've been tossed over the fence.

Your fight still means nothing,
Broken hearts are few,
Your time is now up,
The smoke is in view.

Is this what was expected,
By you and so much more?
Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you've been waiting for?

You threw your sword down,
You've been led to the slaughter,
And you have brought with you,
Your son and your daughter.

You are the lamb,
Prepared for the feast,
So please, pull up a chair,
You will never leave.

Charming

All consuming,
Man on fire,
In flames with him,
We devour the hour.

Snow White,
Rose Red,
Dark Blue,
Blood,
Pieces to play,
Wait for the flood.

Touch, tender,
Kiss and fingertips,
Tasted too sweet,
It fell from your lips.

Hands entertwined,
Wrapped in your hair,
Your music is loud,
It comes from nowhere.

Enchanted, Intriguing,
You shine in the dark,
Seeping your poison,
Engulfed in your spark.

Never to be dissevered,
Two halves, one whole,
Easy to defend,
Hard to console.

The mockingbird sings,
I hum him a tune,
He plays it for me,
He sings it to you.

Dragged to the water,
To live or to drown,
Your eyes are on fire,
I don't care what you do now.

Mother sun,
Father moon,
Perfect hands,
Gone too soon.

The Charming I know,
The Charming I feel,
Your words can kill,
Your hands can heal.

More blood and games,
I will find you,
I always will,
I believe you still.

Taken away,
A reflection of him,
I will find you,
Echoes again.

Looking at iron,
The smell sickens me still,
He found me again,
As he said he will.

Charming in red,
Charming in black,
A sword of steel,
Anger, attack.

Kiss on the lips,
Hand in my hand,
I will always love you,
I'll find you again and again.

All consuming,
Man on fire,
In flames with him,
We devour the hour.

Snow White,
Rose Red,
Pumping,
Blood,
Playing the game,
With the rise of the flood.

Once upon a time,
You and me,
Once upon a time,
True love free.

It's a longer video, but please watch till the end if you have time. This goes out to my Uncle Jason. Happy birthday Bubby. You will always be an innocent in my eyes <3

Undying, Within The Soul, Grab It From Nowhere...Strength

I've been thinking a lot about strength lately. The properties of strength. The weak vs. the strong. And what defines it...
I had recently just finished a book that made me think just that much more about it. Vanished  by Danielle Steel. If you are a reader I strongly recommend it. So back to strength.
What do you think defines a person as strong? Is it someone that has never been through anything tough in their life, so they have had nothing weaken them. Is it a cold hearted person that let's no one around them, a gaurded and bitter person that trusts no one, a gentle person that has been through trauma...ect ect?
I think that a strong person is one that has been through some devastating things, someone that has been knocked down over and over, someone who has at time felt worthless, untouchable, interchangable, disposable...ordinary. I think that if you can go through that and through things that has forever scarred and branded you, and then you stand up, scream, and pick up your sword to continue...to face your fears...to pursue your dreams when you have no valid reason to. Stength resides in someone that can wake up and face the day. It is held within someone that keeps following that dim but visible light...someone who handles it all themselves, smiles, says nothing, and keeps running instead of pushing it off on other people. Strength...
The ones who are scared to death but keep fighting, those who survive against all odds, those who change the unchangable, those who break, and those who cry but never give in no matter the cost. That, my friends, that is strength. Never think otherwise.
So next time you look at someone that looks like they can take on any situation even though their size disagrees, or someone that looks like they are to broken and helpless to take another step, or even someone who is smiling while their eyes say something else, remember that strength lies in the most unexpected of people. Place your bets on them because they are the most willing to continue and to fight. Never count them out.

Another Cover:)

Just for perks I have another posting for today. Just a song cover from "The Hunger Games" soundtrack. The actual artist for this song is the Carolina Chocolate Drops. If you haven't heard of them, I highly recommend their music. They are so beautifully talented! Enjoy!

Find Something Real

I've had quite a bit on my mind lately. Some things that make me so happy, some that devastate, some that make me cry. I wrote it all down to make something of it. Enjoy <3

Never be tamed.
Scream out your name.
Throw away your shoes.
Loosen your noose.
Run, barefeet.
Dance on the street.
Walk a little straighter.
Worry about it later.
Claw your way through.
Breathe the flame anew.
Write a song.
Find out where you belong.
Let your hair down.
Put down your crown.
Clear your face.
Give up the race.
Loosen your corset.
Face the sunset.
Close your eyes, say your name again.
Stay humble, remember where you've been.
Think before you speak.
Never consider yourself weak.
Find your own place.
Exist in an open space.
Lay beneath a tree.
It's all you really need.
Feel the light on your skin.
Do it all over again.
Count thet raindrops as they fall.
Clench your fists, scream at the wall.
Walk a train track.
Never go back.
Keep your head above water.
Be something to inspire your son and daughter.
Cry for someone that you don't know.
Find a road and then go.
Gas, green, red, stop.
You'll keep a little, you'll lose a lot.
Find your voice.
Make a choice.
Scrape up your knees.
Follow a breeze.
Run through a field.
Never forget to kneel.
Love.
Heal.
Dream.
Feel.
Find something real in a world that you  can't touch.
Never regret losing so much.
And...never...be ...tamed.
<3 <3 <3

Come In With The Rain

On unproductive days...in my family you get Taylor Swift cover songs. Here's "Come In With The Rain." Enjoy!

Notes To Someone

Underneath the streetlight,
Bleeding heart feels just right,
I feel like giving a piece of my life tonight.
Underneath the streetlight,
You pull me in, close, tight,
Yellow blinding, bright white,
Drenching my dress in rain tonight.

A fairytale, a memory, maybe both. And simple note to you and me...
<3

Once upon every four years...

So it's that time soon! Election! Okay, so usually I don't go all crazy or excited over a time like this. It's a 50 50 shot here. It will be either a better four years for our nation...or...well...it could possibly blow up in our faces. These are the facts. And in my opinion...yes...it blew up like fire and gasoline last election. I cried. The economy crashed and people who were getting ahead ended up sinking because they had to pay for people who sat around and did nothing. These are facts too. I don't say anything that I don't look up first.
Normally I wouldn't be posting about anything that had to do with politics because, well, until now they were all shady, crooked liars, that spoke nothing but crap. Now? Now I think that we have something to look forward to if this nation comes together and makes the right choice. We have Romney! Now, I'm not saying he's a savior, we only have one of those. But he does seem to be on Americas side. He seems to be on the side for the underdogs. He seems to be on the side willing to fight for what's left of this nation. And that's what America really needs.
Obama has all but destroyed us. He has focused more on getting other countries to like him then anything. I'm sorry! I live in America, not Islam, China, or Russia. I'm focused on keeping this country going!  So that's nice of him huh? But people of America had allowed him to do so, while the rest sat back and watched not knowing what to do. Hands tied. Right? Unchain yourself and step up!
Okay, okay. Coexist? One word I keep hearing a lot of. That sounds great, in theory. I'm all for it, but not if we have to lay down and be others countries doormat. Not if we have to kiss people of other religions, and ethnics feet and asses. I am not an ass kisser and never have been. Nor will I ever be. In fact there never will be peace. 
Our fathers, friends, family members, and fore fathers did not fight for our freedom for it to be taken away by ONE MAN! And if one man can change a nation for the worse this much, imagine what a bunch of people could do once they got together. We could change things for the better. So do what you have to. Fight? Do it. Uprise? Do it. Vote for Romney! I am.
Really everyone. After we are dead and gone. After we can't care anymore, our kids will still be here. Our grandkids. Give them something to hold on to. Give them an America that we grew up knowing. Give them a solid place to stand and a nation to be proud of, because if we keep going down the road that we are on, we won't have that. The outcome will be bleak and miserable. Our freedom will slowly dimish along with our power to do anything. So while we have the power, do something great with it. Stand for something with a purpose. Don't be a doormat. Fight.

Poison

A while back my sister and I had started this challenge. I was kind of skimming across some of the things that I had written during this. I never finished the challenge, but wouldn't mind starting it back up:) So here is another open page from one of my journals. It's called Poison. Enjoy!

 

Poison

I saw it creeping up like a train losing track.
And when it came upon me there was no looking back.
Some people called me crazy and maybe I was.
It did'nt turn out how I imagined, it rarely ever does.
I was tricked just like with the apple killing Snow White.
I was locked in the darkness.
I never saw light.

The poison dripped slowly on my lips.
It was tasted with my tongue, seemingly hard to resist.
You know I never suspected it.
We were a tragedy in the making.
Now I'm Sleeping Beauty in the middle of her waking.

You know that poisoned apple was such a beautiful sight.
And as I grabbed on I did'nt know you were as dark and cold as night.
You used to shine so bright, but I watched your stardust fade.
And in my golden glass tomb you left me to lay.
And so I continued to lay, waiting for my prince.
The beautiful, enchanted hero that would give me my one second chance.

The poison felt like fire burning through my veins.
And part of me was scared that I'd never be the same.
But as soon as my heros lips touched mine, the fire ceased to burn and I opened up my eyes.
The darkness around faded fast, and all the pretty lights were brightly shining at last.

Dear Ones

Dear Ones,
 Hello. Some of you don't know me, but I know every one of you. I was there when you were born and knew everything that you were made to be. I instilled it in you/. Some took off with it. Some ignore it. Some of you went down different paths. I could have forced you to become what I wanted you to be, but I loved you to much so I gave you free will instead. Some of you fight for me, some die for my name, and some turn your back and pretend that we've never known each other. I remember you. You stand and pretend that you are alive, but the light has far faded out of your eyes , leaving them dark. You believe lies. A lot of what happens in this world is blamed on me and people scream "Why don't you do something? Prove to me that you are here." Then the ones who stand beside me know that I haven't done it, the human race and decisions that they have made have done it to themselves. They've wounded each other. In more ways then one. I could save everyone, but then, again comes in free will.  I can't make you change. The ones who know my love have felt it and know that their belief in  me will give them the peace and hope. They don't need proof. Proof is already in them.
I used to have a place in this world but I was slowly pushed out. I used to have a place in America, but I'm feeling the push there too. I'm barely hanging on. The ones who remember what they are here for are the only ones who have given me a reason and have invited me to stay. They still fight daily but they are feeling the push too. I have given them the strength to push back, and they will.
Some of my most brave have offered themselves up to fight for the whole. I'm with them all the time and they really need me, because a lot of the ones that they are fighting for have turned their back on them too. The call them trespassers, killers. They are not. They are doing what I have sent them to do. To keep the defense to save all from slaughter. To put themselves before others. When they are knocked down, they pick up their swords and fight again. I've given them that determination.
People used to say my name out loud, now I rarely hear it, and people fighting for peace have turned a blind eye and don't even notice the irony in it all. This nation used to stand for me, some say it still does, and the fight continues. Who will win? The light. The light outshines all darkness. And those in the light will rise in victory with me by their side. I'm always there. I hold your life in my hands. I want to hold your heart.
-God-

Beneath The Willow

Green, beautiful, magical, tall, and safe. Full of grace, mystery...life. Trees. The most amazing of this world. The only place since I was a child where I have ever felt truly happy and completely free. There is no other place I would rather be then surrounded by trees.
As a child I remember running off at any chance, climbing trees and spending hours in them reading and dreaming. I was content. I felt safe as the long branches wrapped around me like arms. They held mystery and questions as I questioned to myself where the fairies lived and if they would mind that I'm climbing and hanging from their home.
Now as an adult, whenever I can find an escape I run to the woodline again and go in as deep as I can, hopping over streams, and from log to log, watching carefully to not run into any spider webs and listening for signs of snakes. I take the kids so that they can develop  the same love as I did, and we sit for hours searching through the stream for different rocks, and sometimes wading around while  I watch from the limbs of a tree above them.
It's where I go to think, to feel. To see things a little more clearly from other perspectives then mine. I go there sometimes to plan, plot, strengthen myself and stand a little straighter. It's where I go for a healing. The sound of the life around me revives me, wakens me, and brings out all my senses. The smells of the woods, sounds of the distant footsteps of some small animal or maybe a deer spying. It brings out the taste of the wind, and the feeling of the bark and moss under my fingertips. It allows me to see the world for all of the beauty that it holds. The wind whispers to me to thank God for being alive. Every bit of it reminds me that my true home is beneath the Willow. There my spirit will remain.

Dear John; You're my song

Dear John,
You see the stars in a different light then mine.
You don't think the moon can possibly shine more then now.
You search for the milky way, then turn to me and say,
"Hey, by the way you're so pretty tonight."
And I say, "What a beautiful lie."
And you know me better then anyone,
You make me tick, so hypnotic,
And when the crickets sing,
I love you more then anything,
You're my song.
You're my song.
You stay up late, just to see if I'm okay,
And I don't really think it gets any better then now,
Nothing is quite perfect,
But it feels like it is when you say,
"Hey, by the way, you're beautiful tonight."
And I feel alright.
Lead me down the moonlit path,
With the lamp and stars we'll find our way back,
It's never completely dark,
When you hold my heart.

Inside my mind /open page/Intro

 Intro

Just a little intro to the far corners of my mind.
Jumbled up thoughts that intensify with time.
Please beware, enter at your own risk.
I also warn you some thoughts are hard to resist.
There are words that have been tasted, but were hard to part.
And images that stutter and stop the heart.
Dreams and fantasies of long windy roads.
Lavender skies and an undying rose.
Everlasting love that never grows old.
And pink and blue orchid petal trees, brilliant and bold.
There are visions of dark places too, cold and black.
All you see is night and you never know where you're at.
There are no stars, fireflies, or moon.
And you feel the disaster that will be coming soon.
If you sink in the deep abyss you will never get out.
And fear crawls over you along with doubt.
Your only chance of freedom is a hero to save the day.
To lead you up the staircase and ask you to stay.
There is so much magic in every single thought.

If you peek around the corners you may find that what is there is what you've sought.

But as I said, be careful cause once you're in you just may change.
And everything about you will never be the same.

Push

In today's society you push, or be pushed. You trample or get trampled on. You fight or suffer the blows. It seems that evil will try to kill out and dimish any kind of light that it finds. If you have light, it burns out. Others...burn it out. Kill it. You have to be strong, pick up your sword, and fight for what you believe in, or it will be taken away. And trust me...it WILL be taken away. The most sensitive and meek are the first to be crushed. The wold hardens you and devours you. The ones you trust the most are the ones that turn you bitter. And if you don't watch your every step and take what people say lightly, you're soul can be crushed, and your heart will turn cold. Keep your eyes open. Keep them wide. Walk steady, be ready to back yourself up, and never falter. When you fall, stand again. Keep standing. Keep walking into the chaos with your head high. Stay alert. Stay strong. Never let anyone take away your spark, your fire to perservere. Never let anyone tell you that you can't, because you most certainly can. Never let anyone tell you that what you believe is wrong, because it's not. Do NOT back down. Walk forward, never backward. Steady your heart, and breathe.

My son Steven has just started school, and for the first week he was terrified. I sent him off to school again Monday, and I talked to him. This is what I said...
"I believe in you. I believe in everything that you can do and everything that you set out to accomplish. I believe in everything that you believe in. But, you have to push yourself to do the things that you want to do the most. You have to push yourself to do the things that you are scared of the most. This is life, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is sometimes the most important thing. You can't live in safety. You have to feel fear to understand it and move past it. I believe that you can do this, because you are strong. You are MY son, and you...are...strong and fearless. You are mine. I had you so that I can watch you and everything that it is that you want to be. I want to see all the wonderful things that you can become. I want to see how you, Steven, can change this world for the better. I want you to be better than me. You are really going to be a something. Because you shine. So go make a friend and I will be there to pick you up."

I sent him to school right after and left him with tears in his eyes. The next day, he walked in without me. When I went to retrieve him two hours later, he was smiling and sliding down every slide on the playground that there was. This was because my little five year old didn't let the world, put out his  fire. He didn't let his fears hold him back. He pushed himself. He left his comfort zone, and made a friend. And I am so proud of him. This goes to show that though evil tries to kill out any light...it will NEVER win.

Here's To Us

Here's to the random days where it feels like you're doing the same old routine that you do every other day. Here's to your kids screaming and fighting with each other and then running to you to tattle on. Here's to your car breaking down when you have no money in the bank, and then here's to a loved one giving you a loan to get the to expensive part that you need, and then you're daddy helping your husband put it on. Here's to a simple dollar in your pocket. Here's to your broken shower being fixed. Here's to school coming up the next day for a still very scared five year old boy. Here's to no matter how much he fears it, the fact is, nothing could ever seperate me from his side. Nothing could ever make me walk away.
 Here's to a little girl with a cough and the sniffles, and going a long sleepless night trying to settle her and bring down her fever. Here's to a husband that is irrational, and complicated, but also very selfless and you love him back for ever bit of who he is. Here's to a family that no matter how many times you have disaggreements, we are always there for each other, and will always have the others back. Here's to giving whatever it is you can to simply help. Here's to not having much, but not needing much either and realizing a long time ago that that isn't what matters in life anyways. Here's to what we really need. The air, a heartbeat, a hug, and a kiss. What we really need is a shooting star, a wish in the sky, to say goodbye, to hear I love you. We need the one that holds our hand, that calls us mommy, to care, and have someone care. We need a soft kiss on the cheek from a child. We need to cuddle with a kitten. We need to give without expecting anything back. Never loan. Give.
We need the moonlight on our face, and the warmth of the sun running through our fingertips, feeling like you're spirit is being zapped with energy, leaving you tingling. We need a rain that cleanses and leaves you purified, and we need a bird to build a nest in your favorite bird house. We need to grow something from a seed and feel a sense of accomplishment when you see the full blooms and flowers. We need to grow a tree and plant it so that it will live here on this earth long after you will be here. We need God. We need life. We need the small things. And most of all we need to know that everything is going to be okay.
So here's to you. Here's to me. Here's to life.

My Dearest Rose (excerpt)

My Dearest Rose,
Here it all is. A life a fantasy and tragedy. A life of love and happiness and bitterness and death. A life that's mine. My life as I will ever know it. All of my memories etched on paper. All of them timeless, treasured, unchanged, and untouched. Some are tragic and painful, but some are well loved and joyous. With every life there are up's and there are down's. It's the price you have to pay to be alive, but live you do. One day you will experience heartbreak, but keep in mind that when it happens that the pain will not last long and you will soon find love to replace it. The love? Well, the love lasts longer then this world will allow. I know that you won't be able to read this until you're older, but maybe by then you will understand.
Here precious one, I give you a memento, a keepsake to take along with you through your travels and journeys in life. Don't ever let anybody tell you that you can't, because whatever it is you want to do, you can. You're better, you're strong, you're beautiful, and you're more then good enough. Most of all you are forever loved.
If you need someone to hold you, I'm here. If you need someone strong, you got your dad. That man is stronger than he realizes, in more ways than one. If you need an older brother to do the things that older brothers do, well, you got one of those. Listen to this last part though Rose, if you fall and all you seemt o do is keep on falling, you have God. As for me, I have just realized that, but I want that knowledge instilled in you.
If you think that this book is ending, you are wrong. This book has many more chapters to fill the empty pages as we continue making sweet and sorrowful memories, as we keep on choosing the right decisions and tripping over our mistakes. So, no Rose, this is not the ending, just the beginning.
My love eternally,
Your mother

Pt.1 Once Upon A Time

Imagine a place not perfect, but everyone loved you anyways. Imagine a place where everyone still believed in you. A world of sunny days running through meadows of flowers trying to be careful of snakes, but not really caring because you always seem to see them right before you step down.
An incomplete picture of rainy evenings, dancing under the big droplets, and watching your big bucket fill up inch by inch with clear, perfect water falling off of the side of your old, familiar, safe house. Never needing to bathe that night because nature took care of that chore for you.
Running bare feet, mud squeezing through your toes and the feeling of grass, soft, underneath you like a  pillow.
Imagine YOUR childhood memories at it's best.
Then...imagine your world fades.
I once new a girl with a childhood like that.
Now...imagine that girl.
And listen to her story.

Once upon a time,
In a land not far from here,
There lived a girl of sixteen,
Her beauty quite rare.

In this land of beating hearts,
There were also many woes,
None that you'd care to listen,
Only one she'd come to know.

For this girl the clock struck twelve,
And there, she was carried away,
Later found under a tree,
Torn and broken, there she lay.

Her defenses were mild,
She believed too much,
She was easy to devour,
The wolf hardened her touch.

Dressed in white,
With a touch of red,
We never knew what happened,
She never said.

Until she fell in love,
With a beautiful prince,
He held out his hand,
She gave him a chance.

Two years of laughter,
Two years of good cries,
Two years passes,
And then two years dies.

After two years was paid,
A dragon breathed fire,
He grabbed for the girl,
Her chances a thin wire.

We all heard the heart of the prince,
It pounded like a drum,
He grabbed for his sword,
We all saw him run.

Later she came back,
He never did,
Again, we don't know what happened,
She never said.

In fact, she never spoke again,
She just sat day and night,
The light she once held,
Never again bright.

There she sat,
A latern in one hand,
Under the willow,
Waiting for him.

Her dress, now, merely black,
Her eyes always a mist,
Long hair blowing,
A look hard to resist.

Beautiful back then,
Beautiful now,
Beautiful beneath the rain,
But beautiful how?

Some say she died with him that day,
She would never leave him,
She would forever stay.

Some say it's just her ghost that we all see,
That their soul's had somehow seperated,
that they're searching for each.

She never seems to sleep,
And she never, ever leaves,
Sitting and searching,
Beneath the willow tree.

I had my doubts,
A skeptic at sight,
Until I saw it myself,
On that memorable night.

There she was, sitting,
Blue eyes against the moon,
The latern in her hand,
And then I saw another soon.

It came from the woods nearby,
It seemed deep within,
Then it finally surfaced,
And brought the prince with it.

They stared hard at each other,
And then there was a smile,
The girl finally raised up,
It had been quite a while.

He held out his hand,
Never unsure,
The girl at last accepted,
Just as she did before.

She followed him into the woods,
I stayed a while there after,
They never  returned,
And then I heard laughter.

That was the last we saw of her,
I don't know why that night.
Why did it take so long,
for them each to catch sight?

Some say she died,
Some say she moved away,
Some say this town is now cleansed,
Though her footprints 'neath the willow stay.

I say they're finally happy,
Two souls finally at peace,
Them two, still together,
Two broken hearts at ease.

I tell you this story now,
To always remember the girl that's been.
I tell you a story of love,
That is never to be forgotten.

The End

My new hair color! And...it's normal? Who woulda thought...

Words that matter

I need you as much as I need the air I breathe. I love you more then I love myself. If you die I die with you. I'll never leave you behind. I want to dance with you beneath the street light in the pouring rain. I would drench my perfect  dress in a storm just to kiss you in the street. I see you when you think that no one else does. I believe in everything you do. I believe in everything that we can be together. We are two lost souls who have found and saved one another. We are a different stitch of fabric in piece of silk. You are me and I am you. It was written in the stars. We belong next to each other.
The above is something that every being on this ever loving earth as ached to hear from someone special at sometime in their life. Those are the very words that can change a life drastically in just the nick of time. Those are the words that will be remembered forever. Those are the words that count. Make it count. Say what you mean and feel what you say. Love can change everything. Love can change you. It changes me. It makes me a better person by each passing day. It makes me who I want to be. It inspires me and drives me to be better and ever changing. Ever loving. After all... that is the way that EVERYONE deserves to be loved. Tell someone you love them and watch them genuinely smile.

I guess we'll see!

Well, I linked my blog to my google account so you all can get to it easier and see my updates and posts. If I don't like it I guess we'll see about switching it back? So who can tell I don't take to well to common change? Oops!

Fearless

Okay folks! Todays topic? Being Fearless, or becoming fearless. Whichever you choose:)
First off I want to start off clarifying something though. Yes, in My Dearest Rose Jason and Iris fell in love quickly. For those who think that it's impossible has never been in love. You don't have to work on it. I know this because it had happened to me...twice.
The only two times I have ever been in love, I knew instantly that I couldn't be without this guy. The first boy that had introduced me to this strange, untamed feeling no longer exists anywhere but my memory and heart. The second I had met, we were together in two weeks, and married in four months. Yeah, yeah...I've already had those looks. The "Wow! That's fast! They'll never make it!" looks, but over seven years and two children later we're still here and he in my eyes is still the same guy that saved the life, and what was left of the heart of a reckless 17 year old girl back in February of 05. One of the toughest times in my life. So, that my friends, is exactly why I had to put in Iris and Jason's immediate love for one another. Impossible connection. Because it is possible. Because it happens. Especially when two souls are meant to save one another.

Now Fearless. There is a quote that I have always remembered ever since I had first read it, and believe it or not, has at many times kept my spark of hope and dreams going. Taylor Swift (whom I love!) had said quite around "Fearless isn't being in the absence of fear. It is being able to do things in the midst of it. It's being  able to do the things that scare you the most. That is fearless." Thus giving her the title of her second album.

I completely believe that with all of my heart. Simply because if being fearless meant you were not scared of anything  then you are not human. Every one has a fear. Most unspoken. But it's still there. So...with this being said...this little quote has kept me writing and putting myself out there. It helped get me up on stage that first time with my guitar. It has helped me meet new people and make new friends. It has inspired me. And now it makes me want to fly. (In a plane I mean.) Yes, I am terrified. I have never been on a plane, but I have a strong feeling that one day I will board one and make it through, whether it be with this quote or sedatives:)

But more importantly who is it in your life that makes you feel fearless? Who is it that keeps you going and your belief that one day all of this will mean something? If you have that someone, I'm happy. More then happy, proud! It's a fantastic thing to have that person in your life. One that encourages you instead of drowns you. If you don't, keep searching. You will find him/her. And when you do you will know, because just like with Jason and Iris it is instant. Just like with me, it is a fire that cannot be controlled. It comes on quick, leaves your head spinning and sometimes heart aching. Find that person and make them yours. Be, in every aspect of the word, fearless.

Love, Me

I was angry when my heart broke.
I was angry that I had let it get that way.
I was angry with myself that it had ended so unfulfilled.
So unplanned.
So completely and hopelessly mixed up.
So tragic.
Such a beautiful life.
I've heard theories that life can be made so uncomplicated.
If you miss someone, call or say good-bye.
But sometimes there's only beeping machines and pumps.
The sound of them gives hope and then the silence kills it.
The sound remains with you, never letting you go.
A constant haunt, a constant echo.
It smothers you.
And then I met him and I felt guilty.
But it also felt fated, destined.
But my heart was still broke.
I was so angry that I was torn.
I was angry that I would never get over you.
I was angry that there was such a punishable void.
There was always a nightmare of your touch, your face.
Sometimes memories are what you really have to be afraid of.
But you wait every night with open arms for your nightmare.
You embrace it.
After you wait anxiously for the screams.
The heartbeat.
The tears.
But he understood.
And you know why?
He understood why I was broke because he was broken too.
So then, we had two broken people piecing each other together.
Collecting shards of anothers heart and healing it the only way that we knew how.
His nightmares were mine, and mine his.
We kept looking for you and talking to you with no response.
No sight.
We were blind in ways that we could actually see clearer.
And then...
It was just me and him with the shadow of you.
We're still together.
We'r still here and we're still okay.
We made it.
We rarely speak of the ghost that haunts us.
But more importantly we both know that one day we will have a story to tell.
Once upon a time...
In a far away land,
There lived a beautiful boy who changed others lives so greatly.
Lives that he never knew,
Never even thought that he could change.
Once upon a time...
There was a chain reaction.
A sequence of events.

Time

Time fades.
You hear that with time everything will get better.
I guess it depends on who you ask and in what aspect of your life you’re talking about.
Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.
And you’re a liar if you say that’s it’s always gotten better for you.
And if you’re not a liar.
You’ve never loved.

Complications?

I just wanted to say that I was sorry to anyone who may have tried visiting my blog on tumblr. I had just heard that there were some complications finding me and following. If I had left a link to the blog it doesn't work. It will say your access is denied. Type in jessiemcclain.tumblr.com and it will take you straight to my page! Click follow! Again, sorry for any mix ups!

You're here again

The silent night,
Is way too loud.
It rings in my ears,
It calls me proud.
I crawl in bed,
Wide eyed still.
I think of you,
And always will.
You're there whenever I close my eyes.
I see you in the stars,
And hear you in the moon rise.
I shake, I tremble, I sometimes fall,
My heart beats hard and I scream at the wall.
I cling to the bed,
Amplified sight.
I feel you hear,
You reside where I write.
You are in these letters,
And the tip of my pen.
You're here, you're here,
You're here again.

A new adventure:) Join me!

Hey! I wanted everyone to know that I also started a tumblr account last night! Find My Dearest Rose Trilogy on there as well if anyone has  tumblr! I always follow back:)

Find me!

I just wanted everyone to know that I have a facebook page as well. Just look for Jessie McClain. I have my personal page and then my official My Dearest Rose page:) Hit like!!!! And spread the word. NOW...GO! :) <3

Hindsight

In a previous entry I had wrote about changing, the unchanged, and being yourself. I still stay true to that. I was also thinking yesterday about seeing things from another persons perspective though, a hindsight kind of view.
So many judge those who "change." They say the other person isn't being who they really are. Well this may be true, but I was thinking instead of judging maybe we should try to understand instead, because maybe you have changed in some way too?
After all living in a world of constant change it has to be tough to not change with it sometimes. No matter how strong you are and how true to yourself you are there has to be something that gets to you and you find yourself thinking "I wish I could do that, or be like that."
We all wish we could stay the same and some people that we trusted the most change so drastically on us, making us feel left behind, on the outside (which is where I have been most of my life.) The feeling is terrible and the result is lonliness.
Maybe some people are drastic and extreme on all sides, and maybe there's no way you could really ever keep up. But you could judge who others are or how they're not the same or you could take a step back, keep yourself in check, and wonder if the same has happened to you along the way. In a fast paced world can we ever stay the same? I'd like to say we could. I guess the truth is though, is that only the strong will stand. So now I'll ask myself a question. Am I strong?

Future Plans

I just wanted to say thank you for staying with me during my journey. I know sometimes there are lapses between my posts. I am so busy putting together this trilogy just right for all of you and already have plans and a prologue written for another book after Iris and Jason's story comes to an end.
I don't want to get to ahead of myself because I won't be focusing so much on it until My Dearest Rose trilogy is over, but I will let you know that you will be taken to a whole other world out of this realm. This will be a place of magic, folklore, fairytales, and battle based around a seventeen year old girl and her journey into the complete unknown.
I do hope you will be looking forward to it as I am looking forward to writing it.
I am writing the third and final book to My Dearest Rose as the second one has just finished and I do hope that you will be looking for them both.
I promise with all my heart to keep you updated and let you know when they will be made available. Please spread the word. I'm always looking for more friends, fans, and followers:) Have a beautiful day all! All my <3

My Dearest Rose Trilogy: Always Remember

Yes! To those who want to know I'm finished with the second book to the trilogy! I also have some tweeks and editing and then...well then off to the third and final!
Thanks for sticking through and thank you for believing in "My Dearest Rose.":)
Goodnight folks!

Imposter: The pretenders

We live in a world where all of a sudden everyones motto is 'Be yourself' or something to reference  that. What's so funny about this, is we are also in a world where so many people are not themselves, a lot of them (not all) but a lot who actually say this. They are lying to themselves and are trying to get others to believe that this person who they WANT to be are in fact the person they are. And those who are closest to  know. Without really meaning to, these people are actually EXACTLY who they try so hard NOT to be, an imposter, a poser, a great pretender.
What made me think of this to write? I typed in something on an internet search and a big list popped up of 'How to be like ---'  I won't say who. I was just thinking "Really? People really look up how to be someone else?"
And really who wouldn't want to be someone else sometimes? I admit that it would be great to step into someone else's place. Someone beautiful, famous. The someone you think has everything. But you can't, so to some people, the next best step is to morph themselves to try to become like this person, whether the person is real or fictional. If you do that, you fool no one but yourself. So instead how about you look in the mirror, come to terms with who you really are. Who are you? Well, you are who you try so hard not to be. Look for what comes natural to you, what you love the most. Look to where your mind travels and where your heart always goes back to. That is who you are. After all, who kows? Chances are, someone out there wants to be you.

Here's to you

Hello. It been a while (feels like ages) since I have wrote you. This time I won't be expecting a letter back. What was it? Back when we were teenagers I believe is when the last letter was passed. I remember. I was 17. I passed it to you as I passed by your pew at church. I was happy to see you there and jealous that you weren't leaving with me. But that's okay. I had made my mistakes and had to reap whatever it was that I sewed. I felt that as I do now that what we had was far more valuable then just the usual. Far more real, far more touchable.
In this world together. And we were. But really who was I to tempt fate and think it would be forever? I should have been smarter. I should have learned to stand on my own two feet better then, to rely on only me. Because little did I know that's what would happen after it was all said and done. After the final song and dance was over and there was nothing left but too vivid memories. The ones you can taste you know?
Ever since then it's been tough to be alone and if I want to be honest with myself and with you, I fear it a little, though I would never admit that to anyone else. It may weaken the gaurd. The gaurd that only two people have been able to penetrate, and you know who they are.
I got his idea of a letter from my grandma. I thought it was a terrible idea...and maybe it is. But terrible or not here I am. I guess I figured if I wrote it on a sheet of paper, sealed it in a envelope, and stuffed it in a box it would mean more, and just be between you and me. But really? It's only shared with me. Just me.
So here's to another passed letter, to something a little more then disgrace, to in this world together, to temptiong fate, last phone calls, last hugs, and last kisses, hopes for eachother, and sealed secrets. Here's to you and me. Here's to everything in this world being etched into the stars.
Love, Jess

When I'm lonely...I just think of you

The light of day.
Fire guiding our way to the infinate or a deadline.
Stare into the sunshine.
Find a bench, take a chance.
Sit down or start a second dance without an end.
And we begin...again.

The blackest of nights.
The stars in the sky remind me of you.
If only you knew.
But you will never know and I had to let you go.
Some things we'll never know.
I miss you...

The Meadow

I've gone this day to the meadow with the buttercups painted yellow.
The birds will sing and so will I.
We'll sing to each other from way up high.
In the sky, in the sky they will fly to another land with kinder words, no more cries.
Just sweet lullabies. Sweet lullabies.
Let's sing us this lulllaby.

Just In Case...

Hey everyone! I want to thank you all for being patient with me and for following along this road with myself and My Dearest Rose! I am almost done writing the second part and I will be immediatly starting the the third and final part to Iris and Jason's life. Based on my my own decision I have pulled"My Dearest Rose" due to some issues with the publishing company I was going through. After the third part I will be looking  for a new company if anyone has any suggestions or ideas:) I'm pretty sure though that there are some copies left on Amazon that  had already been printed if you are looking for one or you can get a copy through me. I have some in my possession! You can follow or contact me on here, but since I'm not on here all the time you can also check out my Facebook page. I'm on there more. Like my page, message me and I always message back:) Have a great day folks!!!!!

And A While It Has Been!

November 16th! Really? That was my last update? Geesh! Sorry you guys. I've been super busy trying to finish my second book which for those who doesn't know is the second part to "My Dearest Rose." It has been titled though the title will not be released yet,  it is fun to note that you will learn something interesting about the books and their titles when all three are all said, told, and done. SO stay tuned. Please stay updated on any information to this trilogy and if you haven't yet read "My Dearest Rose" they are still available until they are all sold out. I stopped the printing momentarily as I work out some kinks in this trilogy's journey. My Dearest Rose will be printed again though and so will the rest of Iris and Jason's story. All in due time...
On the other hand now that the holiday rush is over I should be spotted on here a lot more. No more 2 month gaps:)
Later my friends!
Jess