Add Me On Goodreads!

Awakening Iris (The Dreamcatchers Saga #1)

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Beautifully. Stupid. Love

I'll start this out simply with one thought.

I don't know what this world would do without love. That's it. Love. The very much overly used, under valued word. The one thing that people fling around verbally even if they don't mean it in their heart, soul, or mind. The one thing that can kill, or heal, or break, and die, and then rebuilt from nothing.

Love.

Love is the one thing that keeps all of this worth every bit of it. Sometimes it makes us come to terms with the stranger that's in us or the monster we keep hidden. It can break our hearts bitterly. It can drive us mad. It can make us whole. It's the best medicine yet the most deadly poison. It is the most powerful above all other emotions, I truly believe. More powerful than hate or pride or pain for sure.

Hate you can feel, but most of the time it's buried. Pride you hold until you meet the one person that strips it away as if it never existed, then it's easy to swallow. Pain in only a vague memory that you can no longer pull to the surface.

 Love. That's a whole other thing. Love can make you act, maybe out of hate or spite or justice. But it's none of those feelings that drive you. It is LOVE that takes the wheel. Love is the most deeply felt. The one thing we would die for in the name of. The one thing we can smile for or accept for or compromise for. It's the one thing we re evaluate ourselves for. And it's the only thing we become stupid for.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A Million Words and No Exits

She took a walk one day. And she went down the dirty path. The one that she was told not to take. The clean path never looked tempting to her though. It seemed lonely and forlorn. And at the end of that path she imagined bitterness and suffocation. A slow death brought on by a million hands and a million words and never any exits.

Her bare feet beat paths into the soil and she breathed in the stardust and the poison out. There were a thousand tiny thorns and just as many weeds that sometime got in her way. But she just went on knowing there would be a better day. Because what did the white rabbit say? That tomorrow would be better and if it isn't the next day would be and so on and so on, because one day things just have to be better. And she held on to that as she walked this narrow path in what sometimes felt like Wonderland, but looked like yesterday.

"Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt so lonely?" she would ask. "I have." And in truth those are the times that she had felt the loneliest in her life. Narrowed eyes always stared, but none never trusted. And she felt that no one would ever even notice if a hole in the ground opened and swallowed her up. They could go on just fine, and maybe sometime at the end of the party they would think "Where is that girl? I never knew her name. I barely remember her face. But I think she was standing right there. Maybe she went home early." and then they would continue next weeks gossip. Because even though there may be many faces there are never names, and the bigger the crowd the more that you blend. The more you cannot breathe. The more your powers fade. The more your light falters at so many hands grabbing and wanting and taking and never giving in return. The more you turn into nothing special.

But here she was alone. Really alone. But she didn't feel like it. She felt warm hands and heard a beating heart and listened heartily to sweet whisperings and encouragements. Here she was alive. And even though she walked this unwanted path, even though she was so scared at times, she would never regret her actions or choices. Because even though the dark terrified her, and thirst hurt her parched throat, and her feet ached from the briers and many many steps... there was light from the fireflies and moon, there was honeydew on her lips, and there were cool streams for her feet. And she knew...she just knew that something spectacular was waiting for her at the end of this path. This is where she was meant to be. These steps were ones that she was born to take. The core of her soul radiated strength and courage. And in the end...that's all that matters.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

The Transitioning

It's been a while since I have wrote. Almost a month. I've been making some big changes, and I guess I have also been trying to allow these changes to take place in my life. I know it will be better in the long run. I feel it in my bones. It's something I've wanted, now I just have to grab it.

I try not to think about what I'm leaving behind, because it all becomes too bittersweet. There were bad times, but there were a lot of good. Really good. I always knew that it wouldn't stay forever. Everything changes. Nothing ever stays the same. But the years went by pretty damn fast too. The past was never meant to be lived in though, only visited on rainy days. So I won't go there. Not now anyway. I will look ahead. I will be strong. I will ask for courage and find it within me. Because life is all about change, and transitioning. It's about new experiences and faith. Without any of that, you never truly live.  I will search for what I'm suppose to do, what I am suppose to be in this life that I have so gracefully been been blessed with.

I will better myself. I will make my own path. I will see the beauty in the transformation. I will focus on the postive and stop looking for any negative. I will take any pain and crumple it like a paper ball, and with whatever is left I will pray away. I will NOT let fear control me. That is something that one allows. And that person will not be me. I will pass through time and make it matter with each heartbeat and footstep. And most importantly, I will know that I am never, ever alone.

Thank you to those that I love for making these past years count. For being there. And most of all, for doing what you never had to do. Thank you.

With love...

Friday, August 15, 2014

I'd Miss You


I've seen a thousand fireflies,
 Look like stars falling down.
I've seen a blood moon rise,
And a first love come around.
I've seen all the city lights,
At midnight on the bridge.
 Out of all the things I've held,
There's only one thing I would miss.

I'd miss you on them sleepy rainy days,
I'd miss you in so many different ways.
Out of all of Gods promises that have come through,
I'd miss you.

I've seen the dawn break,
Over mountains in the sky.
I have felt the tide wash in,
And have heard the wild birds cry.
I have climbed the highest tree,
And have walked in wildflowers.
I have seen the lightning break,
And have bathed in rain showers.
But...

'Cause all the seven wonders and all the northern lights could never shine quite as bright.
As you...

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Happy Release Day!!!

Sparks Ignite is definitely on the market RIGHT NOW!!! So grab a copy and then tell me (and others) all about it!
http://cressenbooks.com/SparksIgnitePage.html

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Set This World On Fire

The  sun rose high today,
It did good to melt my fears away.
The black will fade to gray,
And the walls I built will crumble with age.

Help me build again.
And don't forget to take my hand.

My doubts had gathered high,
Until my hope went higher.
My courage will come with time,
It will turn my fear to fighter.
It will burn my tears,
And set this world on fire.

My feet did stand at one time,
Now they trip over every step.
My voice I heard will fall in line,
My name they will not forget.
Set the shackles and the chains.
The rainbow only comes with rain,
And faith only comes from pain.

Take my freedom.
Take my freedom.
Burn my home.
Just know my spirit,
Know my spirit,
You could never, never own.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Six Days

An excerpt from Awakening Iris In celebration of Sparks Ignite coming out in just six days we are giving away one free signed copy of Awakening Iris! So go to goodreads and sign up to win! Also, don't forget that Awakening Iris e-books are now on sale for 2.99. Sale ends next Wednesday the 30th! So hurry and get one!
https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/101246-awakening-iris

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Technical Issues

Sorry everyone! I was adding a widget to make it easier for you guys to enter the Awakening Iris contest, but for some reason as I was doing that my computer and blog started going crazy! So, I have a billion long widgets I'm trying to rid of! Just ignore it and I will get it fixed soon! Until then you can still read my latest posts and go on over to goodreads to enter the giveaway! Only six days left!

Book Sale!!!

The unscrabbled word from my last post is BOOK SALE! And that is what every reader likes to see! In celebration for our upcoming Sparks Ignite being released in just one week, Awakening Iris e-books are only 2.99! Nook or Kindle? So click the link and spread the word! And then stay tuned for more fun news!
http://cressenbooks.com/AwakeningIrisPage.html

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Let's Play Scrabble!

I will be announcing something spectacular for the book lovers tomorrow! What is it??!! Stay tuned!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Sparks Ignite Release Date!

Not caring is Ian’s defense against the world. Against hurt, abandonment, a...nd lost love. Until a girl shreds his armor and steals his heart. Wild and free, she wants him but cannot give herself over. He haunts her and she runs. But the sparks that have ignited between them burns deep and refuses to be ignored. Will the fire consume their souls or can the enchantment of the Dreamcatcher free them to love?

Mark your calenders for July 30, 2014! Because SPARKS WILL IGNITE!

Laughing In The Fallout

The door creaks open light,
The stars are shining again tonight.
A strong heart,
I've worked hard to get to where I am.
But it means nothing if I can't forget what's been.

And my reflection ages,
The pictures faded into gray.
I can't imagine what you'd say now,
Maybe I've become too proud.
But I'll be laughing in the fallout.

The painted hands tremble bright,
The string of broken lights cast shadows just right.
A cheap guitar,
And a full heart can sing.
But if my hands can't stop shaking it don't mean a thing.

The fallout.
The fallout.
I'll be laughing and crying and bleeding and flying in the fallout.
And you can't see me in the fallout.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Meet Me Beneath The Willow Tree

Meet me beneath the willow tree.
Won't you stand side by side with me?
Give me a little certainty,
And meet me beneath the willow tree.

Meet me beneath the open sky,
Don't you fear and don't you cry.
Let's just see eye to eye,
And meet me beneath the open sky.

Meet me beneath the pouring rain,
Give me hope and leave the blame.
I need to see you just the same,
So, meet me beneath the pouring rain.

Meet me beneath the side streetlight,
Please don't yell, don't start a fight.
The light you shine is much too bright,
So, just meet me beneath the side streetlight.

Meet me beneath the willow tree.
Won't you stand side by side with me?
You are all that I can see,
So, meet me beneath the willow tree.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

It Was Words

Word Prompt: Words

Once upon a time there was a princess. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't the most beautiful in the world either. She was pretty. She was strong. And she was just...herself. Her face may not have stood out if she were to stand in a peasants dress among the crowd, and her voice may not have been heard best above all others, and maybe she didn't even sound as lovely as she had hoped, but she didn't mind this. Because she held another power. A stronger power. A power that could manipulate ones thoughts, emotions, and mind. And this power is all that she had ever wanted. And she didn't want it for the power itself, she only wanted to possess it because she loved the substance of her power more than anything else.

You see, this princess could have whatever it is that she could ever ask for. She could own fine jewels, diamonds, satins, furs, and silks. She could buy palaces overlooking the oceans or have an extravagant cottage built in middle of the Enchanted Forest. She could even buy love. But love meant nothing to her if it did not come on it's own free will, she had more money than you could ever use, and beauty she knew was common enough. No, she wasn't in love with any of those things. She was in love with something simple, and steady. It was something stronger than iron, but as light as the feathers on her soft white blanket. What she treasured more than anything came free, and had the power to heal or kill. It was words.

When she had first discovered these words she was small and had watched as words were spoken into beauty by nearby fairies. She continued to discover the use of words as the years passed. She had witnessed words take lives, make lives, dishonor, corrupt, unite, make peace, and cause the most imaginable of wars. And as she grew, she knew this is the very power that she would someday hold.  Not for good, not for evil, but for the right time. She would write words and watch as they blended and dripped off her fingertips and tongue like sweet honey. She loved how she could manipulate and twist them to make them wicked or magnetic. She loved how she could write a letter of adoration and then one of hate. She would write these words. She would create these words from her soul. She would love these words as her children. And she would one day use them to save the weak. She would use them to touch the world around her. And she would use them to kill the corrupt, raise the poor, rage a war, and free the trapped. She would use these words to change the minds of so many. So, as you see, this princess didn't need an extravagant amount of beauty. She didn't need a voice to quiet the birds around her. And she didn't need to stand out. In fact, blending, she had learned, was one of her greatest attributes. Because no one would see her coming. And that was something that she was counting on.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Catching Fire

Nope...not one of the most amazing movies EVER!!! :D Sry to disappoint... It's a poem:)

Catching Fire

I'm catching fire,
I'm burning flames.
I'm standing out,
Among the names.
I'm here stronger,
I know that I can.
Everything that I hate,
Will be who I am.
My feet won't falter,
Not this time.
Everything I once lost,
Will all fall in line.
Amidst the ruin,
Your soul will shatter.
But I won't care,
And it won't matter.
Because I'm catching fire,
My spark is bright.
I shine like fireworks,
On a midsummer night.
Yes, I'm burning hot,
With venom and rage.
I'll set fire to you,
I'll bring down this stage.
Now I'm not scared,
And my hands don't shake.
Everything that you love,
Believe me, I will take.
I will grow and burn,
I will consume and destroy.
I will use up and break you,
Like a worn out toy.
Because I have caught fire,
And I will leave a mark.
On the strongest person,
And most beautiful heart.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Blame It On The Moon

Blame it on the moon,
Compromise the truth,
Tell a lie or two,
Paint a gray sky blue,
Then blame it on the moon.

Paint your lips real pink,
Buy another drink,
Make them think you mean it,
Pick a real good tune and sing it,
Say you'll see each other soon,
Then blame it on the moon.

The night owl is out,
The wolves all gather and howl,
Something is in the air,
You can feel in everywhere,
The blood moon glows and sings,
And brings along some crazy things.

So lock your doors real tight,
Say a prayer or two tonight,
Listen to the cosmic boom,
And then blame it on the moon.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Only Human

I see you through the window pane,
You're something I can never find.
Nothing around here feels the same,
Out of sight, out of mind.

I'm not sure that applies to the human mind,
Change the rapids, change the tide.
Everything happens in perfect time,
We do everything we can,
But I'm only human.

Please, come in from the rain,
It's warmer in here.
Please, just kiss me among the flame,
Because I'm losing to fear.

Was this ever okay?
I can see it through your eyes.
What do you do when there's nothing to say?
I'm starting to think that you were right.

But I'm only human,
I do only what I can.
Time is a state of mind,
 And I don't have the power to change the tide.
Because I'm only human.
I'm only human.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Never Change

When I was nine I got my first real bike,
Summer nights, fireworks in the drive.
Purple buckets filled with rain,
Fields of wheat and lights shining on the backstreet.
And black trash bags block out all the light,
In the mirror I don't see my reflection right.
And Mama, she's in bed again,
Daddy's fixing dinner and doesn't know how long it's been.

Nothing ever stays the same,
I think you and I should never change.
Time will tell if we got it right,
This life.
Cause nothing ever stays the same.

Fifteen, it rolls around,
And your head is in the clouds more than your feet on the ground.
And I'd follow him wherever he led,
Until I found out that's just something that boys said.
Then there were sunny days,
Cucumber melon and The Eagles played something I could appreciate.
Before it was just not the same and it was too late.

Now I'm seventeen,
And it all became so clear to me.
Past family religion and all the suspicion,
I'll find out what I'm supposed to be.
But the hands of fate turn,
And I burn with unsaid words.
My chances shattered and the fragments clattered with sharp pieces of him,
That I would never see again.

Twenty-seven, you know where you're heading,
And wherever it is I'm heading there with you.
We'll roll the dice, pass some signs, stop down at ten buck two.
Stop for gas, wait in line, if the world stands still now we'll be just fine.

Because nothing ever stays the same,
And I think that you and I should never change.


When I sat down with my guitar my intention was to find something beautiful today. I wanted to create something worthwhile. I could write about lost love, pills, whiskey, or fairytale endings. I could write about everything that is wrong in our lives. I could write about someone I hate or someone I love. I could even write about guitars, jewels, cloudy days, and weather.

But when I was strumming something happened, and memories came back. I was little with long blonde hair running bare feet at the house on Peoga. I was taking walks in the rain. I was splashing in rain buckets, and playing baseball in the yard. 

Then I grew. I was nine, ten, eleven so forth to pivotal ages of fifteen and sixteen when you fall for everything, you act out of impulse, and everything you knew is forgotten. Then I was seventeen and I had lost the very best thing that I had at the time. I lost someone very real and very important to me. ANd still is.

But now I'm twenty-seven, and we have fast forward ten years. Now I know better. I'm stronger, smarter. I don't pretend. I don't fall for shit, I stand for something, and I remember who I am. And John, I will follow you. We'll roll the dice, pass some signs, stop for gas and at ten buck two. I don't care. We'll be fine just as long as we can stay just like this, right now, in this specific moment in time. Just as long as we don't ever change.

So, I didn't write about jewels or fairytales. Or about bars or cheating. I wrote about my life.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Nothing At All

Dreamcatchers loose,
Dangling from the ceiling.
My manners shot,
Politely concealing.
The Dam may break today.
My words will spill and I'll give way.

These four walls turn to prison bars,
And your words feel like an iron ball.
Now I feel so small.
And we are nothing at all.

Years I've tracked and lost,
They're hanging in thick, sweet air.
All of the missed out chances,
No, it's just not fair.
But you turn and walk away,
And I'll stay and let these words spill on this page.

Paint chips onto cement floors.
I wish I could say more.
I've done so damn much, but you got bored.
Am I invisible?
I didn't realize you were invincible.
This is real.
This is now.
These are the colors of our fall out.

Yell, or curse, or scream.
Say everything but what you really mean to me.

This Dam may break today.
My words will spill and I'll give way.



Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2)

Coming to you soon. Available on Nook, Kindle, and Paperback.
Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2)
Visit http://cressenbooks.com/whatsBrewingPage.html for more information.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Starlight Might Kiss Me

I was thinkin that I might drown,
If I don't get these feet on the ground.
You  know those dreams,
With the bad disposition?
All the searchin and all the missin you?
Well, I do too.

This holy ground is sinking in,
And I'm so lost in sin.
I gravitate to pills and whiskey,
Hoping someday that starlight might kiss me.
Starlight might kiss me.

I suck in the moonbeams,
Breathe out the sun.
I don't believe in my own shit that I've done.
I've claimed it in darkness.
Spoke it to life.
Turned around and thought that it'd all be alright.

All the pretty faces and sweet perfume,
Permeate every single room.
Oh, Oh...
Cheap guitars and shaking hands,
Still don't change a thing about who I am.

I was thinking that I might drown,
If I don't get these feet back on holy ground.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Somewhere In The Middle Of Nowhere

She says she don't drink with a beer in her hand.
She cries when she's lonely, but don't need a man.
Wine in a mason jar,
Pills for her nerves.
She'll go out fighting if the world don't kill her first.

Meanwhile she raises hell.
And she plays her cards very well.
She's old enough to know better, but way too young to care.
And sometimes she feels like she's somewhere,
In the middle of nowhere.

She says she likes summer while smiling in the snow.
She wants to head west, but this place is all that she knows.
A suitcase she never really uses,
Starting a collection of dust, dreams, and wishes.

She sets in the sun in her worn out jeans.
Bites her tongue so she don't scream.
But, Lord Jesus, she knows she'll be just fine.
Sometimes the stars set just right,
But sometimes they need realigned.

She says she don't drink with a beer in her hand.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Sparks Ignite And Turn To Magic

And isn't this magical?! Today is the release of the cover to my new debut novel Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2)! We are getting so close to clips and previews of this book that will soon be released to the public! With the help of some talented and gifted friends, editors, and publishers we have turned blank pages into as beautiful of a masterpiece as Awakening Iris <3 The cover design is done by the talented author, designer, and publisher of Cressen Books LLC Wendy Lohr. So while you wait for the rest of Sparks Ignite go find a copy of Awakening Iris to get you started on a newfound magical world! More updates will be found right here!

Friday, May 23, 2014

Let's Not Forget...

For all of my new followers, old friends, and future friends. For all of the ones who know of The Dreamcatchers and for all of the ones who are just hearing about them. Let us not forget Awakening Iris as we are approaching the release date of the second to the series, Sparks Ignite. Through Awakening Iris you will step into a world of love and hate, defeat, and defense, loss, and hope. You can freely roam the mind of the broken, innocent, dreamy, magnetic, creative, adoring, slightly paranoid, and amusingly neurotic woman that this book is based around, Iris herself. Ride through the roller coaster relationship that she has with her mysterious Stranger, Jason Stone.
 
Then afterwards you can discuss it publicly with me and others if you want! I'd love to chat! You can read it, rate it, and show it a little love:)
 
And get ready for the soon to be released second book of the series Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2) and get into the head of my endearing roamers brother, Ian Stone. This humorous, unfiltered, loose tongued, non- caring, yet extremely loving guy will win the heart of a million girls <3 Look here for the soon to be posting of the book cover itself!
 
Until then, grab a copy of Awakening Iris on paperback, Kindle, or Nook now at cressenbooks.com. Then hit me up!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

We're Waiting For The Sparks To Ignite!

 We have finally decided on an author picture for Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2)! This picture came in as number 2:) Editing is taking place right now on Sparks Ignite! Soon we should have the new authors pic released along with the book cover shortly after! More information will be made available here whenever I hear about it myself:) Stay plugged in friends, followers, and fans! You mean so much <3 Spread the word!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Hide Your Crown

It's getting late,
Down by the fireside.
There's no mistake,
The wild in your eyes.
So just be brave,
And don't look down.
Don't save face,
And hide your crown.

So get on up,
When you've been let down.
Your wind's knocked out.
Who'll save you now?
I don't know if you're right,
But you're gonna win.
You'll die trying,
We're all born in sin.

It's getting bright,
And dawn is breaking.
Your heart is ours,
For the taking.
So set aside,
What you ever wanted.
You've been brought down,
Destroyed and hunted.

It seems there's more to lose than to gain.
The queen's been marred, scarred, and slain.
And it all feels like you're insane.
It's a state of mind.
There's no shame.

Just be brave,
And don't look down.
Don't save face,
And hide your crown.
So get on up,
When you've been let down.
Your wind's knocked out.
Who'll save you now?

I couldn't sleep the other night and before I knew it there was a tune playing in my head. So I start humming, and then words started forming and I started singing. At 2 a.m. I picked up my pen and started writing in my bed with a scrap of paper and flashlight. This is what I created. I hope you like it.

It can represent you or me, our children, friends, or neighbors. Because really we all have our own problems, our own trails. Sometimes the wind is taken out of you. Sometimes if feels like the world has turned against you and that you are all alone. Sometimes it feels like you are being destroyed and other people just laugh and stare and leave you to die, because it doesn't effect them, so they don't care. And sometimes you do have to save yourself. Sometimes only you can get yourself back up.

Don't look down. Don't save face. And don't hide your crown. Don't let them take it away. Get up and stand for what is yours, for what you believe, for strangers, or the people you love, and for what is right. Even if you are the only one.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Firestarter

Give me a wish,
Give me a break,
Don't raise hell,
Just for your sake.

You stomp the innocent,
Sniffing for fresh meat,
Stand in line,
Take a seat.

Children are starving,
On the streets,
Children you look over,
Ones you never see.

If berating people,
Makes you feel good,
If killing others,
Makes you understood.

Know we understand you,
I know you all too well,
You control people with fear,
You're fate too soon to tell.

Fear may feed your fire,
But you've given me a spark,
To ignite the playing field,
Heart over mind; you're mind over heart.

Start a little fire,
Let out a little sigh,
Watch the unset,
And then watch it rise.

We will scream and yell,
Push and fight,
Snuff out a lot of dark,
Let in a little light.

Cut down the ropes,
Hang a new one with your name,
You don't know what you've done,
Now.
Now we're playing games.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Faced Fears. Redemption Found. I Have Chosen. I Am Brave.

Truth is an existence that is chosen.

Putting aside today all of the negative, all of the escapes from reality. Putting aside today the little voice in our head that makes you wonder who you really are. Where do you belong in this life? Where do you belong in society? What is your purpose? Your plan? We've all wondered. What are your weaknesses and your strengths. What do you suck at and what do you excel at? Do you hate reading? Writing? Are you even reading this right now? Do you prefer peace or do like the adrenaline that comes along with a fight? Are you passive or  do you stand up for yourself and others? Do you like the waters calm or do you prefer it choppy and dangerous? Are you kind? Are you smart? Are you selfless? Are you honest? Are you brave?

Yes. I have read the entire series of Divergent. Twice. Yes. I am now reading Divergent Thinking to get into the minds of the Divergent and find out about our fears and what it means to overcome them, or simply accept them and most past them. To find out what others think that it means to be BRAVE. And...no. I am not giving a review because I would rave on way too long, and I have spoiler tendencies:) But note. I do love the series. I love anything that teaches bravery, hope, and selflessness. Which is also why I love The Hunger Games. 

So I have read some very interesting things thus far, and wanted to comment.
1: What the Candor say about the Amity faction. " Those who seek peace above all else will always deceive to keep the waters calm." Also stated in the book Divergent Thinking from writer Rosemary Clement-Moore "It is true that throughout history people have, in the name of peace, let terrible things happen. There's a pretty dead-on real-world example of this in Neville Chamberlain, the British Prime Minister in the 1930's. In order to preserve peace, he allowed Hitler's Germany to stomp over a good part of Europe until it became clear that Adolph wasn't going to stop unless someone made him."
And in my opinion, look what happened trying to keep peace. Millions of innocent men, women, and children were starved, tormented, beaten, and slaughtered in despicable ways, leaving the death toll so high that generations upon generations of us know about it, and generations upon generations will continue to learn about it. Was that peaceful? I think not. Was Neville peaceful even though he didn't get his hands dirty? I think not. Standing by and watching leaves your hands bloody and stained, just as if you had done the killing yourself.
I believe in a peace of mind. But I believe in standing up for yourself and the innocent. And if that means the waters will become rough, so be it. I believe also in "ordinary acts of bravery." Divergent.

So to our next topic. "Ordinary acts of bravery." What does that mean?
Ordinary acts of bravery can occur in your daily life. It doesn't mean the absence of fear. It doesn't mean that you can't be afraid of anything at all. It only means to look that fear in the face and tell it that it's not going to stop you. It means that you have to recognize that fear, overcome that fear, and continue on knowing full and well that this is your decision and it's what you were meant to do. And it doesn't have to be something crazy like saving the world. Most people in this life won't have a chance to do that, if it's even possible, which I'm starting to think it's not. There are so many corrupt. The most you can do is strengthen your ideas and yourself and stand strong to face and weed out some of the corrupt. No. Ordinary acts of bravery can be standing up for somebody standing beside you. It can mean facing your own personal demons and beating them into the ground. And then doing that every single day. To be brave could mean by simply getting out of bed in the morning when you just don't think you can. I know we're talking about Divergent, but one of my favorite quotes from Catching Fire is "The sun persists in rising, so I make myself stand." Standing up when you don't think you can anymore can be brave. Going on stage with only you and your guitar for the first time is brave. Sending in submission letters for your manuscript and then facing that first, second, or third rejection is brave. There are so many ways to be brave.

Back to the very first line of this blog entry. Truth is an existence that is chosen. I wrote that. I wrote that because that in and of itself is the truth. We choose the truth. We choose whether or not we want to tell the truth or lie. When the truth is told to us we choose to listen and accept or ignore and defy. Sometimes the truth is hard. Really hard. Sometimes listening to or telling the truth will be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do. That is why it is a choice. And by telling the truth...or even listening can be a simple act of bravery in itself.

Selflessness. Selflessness is brave because in a world of selfishness and greed we have to choose to overcome that. We have to go against the grain, tide, or wind. (Whichever analogy you prefer.) When one is being selfish and eating their dinners of steak every night, another is starving on the street digging through dumpsters to find their dinner. It is selfless to share your food with them, to give them money in the grocery line when they don't have enough of their own and have to start putting their food back just so they can get their baby formula and diapers. It is selfless to hand out and extra blanket or shirt when one is cold. Or to give them a twenty when they are standing with a sign on the street corner in the bitter cold. Even if it's your last twenty. Acts of selflessness are acts of bravery. It is brave to do without so another can just scrape by, so another doesn't go hungry or cold. Protecting someone you love is selfless and brave, even it means sacrificing your own life. You may do it because you have a heart, you may do it because you have been there. It doesn't matter why. You are brave.

And it is brave to be smart in a world that thinks it's cooler to be stupid, in a world that wants you to be stupid. It is brave to dig deeper and learn. Whether it be for recreation, fun, yourself, or the truth.

And it is brave to be peaceful. Because sometimes you have to be peaceful to the ones that have hurt you the most. And that is SO damn hard. That is what makes it brave. It is brave to smile, most of all forgive even if it doesn't feel whole or real, and move forward. Just don't become so peaceful that you can't reach out of your own comfort zone to help someone else despite the consequence. Don't be afraid of rough waters.

This whole thing is really just my personal opinion about what it means to be divergent. It is my personal thoughts on bravery. It is what I feel really matters. So I will leave now, but I will leave you with one final thought and quote that I really, truly loved from Divergent Thinking.

"Fear isn't an enemy of bravery. Driving people to free themselves completely from fear doesn't necessarily mean their actions will be brave. Fear is what makes people brave- feelings afraid, yet acting in spite of that fear." Elizabeth Norris

That, my friends and followers, is what ordinary acts of bravery are all about.

References from Divergent and Divergent Thinking. Also one from "Catching Fire." And a sincere thank you to both Veronica Roth and Suzanne Collins for some meaningful, inspiring, and unforgettable trilogies.

I have thought a lot about this. I love each faction for their different strengths. But if I really had to choose. I choose Dauntless.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Newfound Grace

First off, you've taught me all of the best things. All of the things that matter the most. You have made my hours seem like minutes, and sometimes my seconds feel like days. But in the end it's all a blur.

It's been good. It's been daring. It's been the ride of a lifetime, but it's been ours. We've lived times with passion and filled to the brim with love. And I am so very lucky to love you and in return be loved by you, my dear.

Darling, we have never looked down, or feared, or doubted. We have never looked back to see how far we have come. We only know what it's like to move ahead. Ahead towards future dances, and kisses, and 'I love you's'. We reach for moonlight, stardust, and pure untouched magic. And we should do this.

We should dance. We owe it to ourselves and each other and our very own heart beats. We owe it to the long nights and even shorter sunny days. We owe it to a thousand days past and a million more to come.

You are so good. So true. So precious.

You still have a bright, undying, unfading fire courses that through your veins and burns in your very bones. And I love that so much about you. You still believe in everything that this world has to offer and my hopes are that it gives you everything that you have ever wanted or dreamed of.

You don't know yet about distance and breaking down. You don't know about destruction and what it feels like to have to try to fix everything. And it's so lovely seeing that reflect in your beautiful eyes. There is something so magical and golden about it.

And finally, just know that you are my home. You are my logic. You are my miracle and my fairytale. You are my knight and my damsel. You are my dragons and crystals. You are my magic. And you, darling, are my newfound grace.

So let's sing loudly. Let's play even when we're not supposed to. Let's laugh and talk and maybe even scream. Let's dance all night instead of sleeping. Let's dream while we're awake. Let's just simply be.

Just for now. And just until the end of all time. And maybe even afterwards. 

Friday, April 4, 2014

Strands Of Sparks

I never saw, never saw it coming.
Braids in my hair,
Flowers if you dare.
We're a pretty train wreck explosion.
And we're sick of games,
Standing up in flames.
They're greedy for riches and the throne.
Magic and dust, lucky us,
Here we are all alone.

And we go down.
On fire.
Hanging onto barbed wire.
Holding hands,
See the lovely strands of sparks,
Slowly igniting my heart.

Cruelty and arrows have done it, done us in.
We've tried our bravery,
Seen a lot lately.
We've smiled more in fear.
And we're in the games,
Standing among the flames.
Killing the riches and the throne.
A trail of blood, lucky us,
We're all alone.

I never saw, never saw it coming,
I'm waiting my turn in line.
Cautious plays, a million trades,
Shooting arrows, let them fly.
Let them fly.

We've smiled more in fear.
And we're in the games,
Among the flames.
Killing riches and the throne.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Manifestations

Everything ends at some point. Everything comes to and end. The good, the bad. The right and wrong. Colors change and fade and dim until they too are different and frayed around the edges. People change on the inside and out until they recreate themselves into another being. Another piece of work. Until they forget who they were and only know themselves as the empty shell that they are now.

Mosaic art forms crumble at our feet and we watch as their once beautiful perfections decay and blow into dust. And we alter.

We alter ourselves. Others change our course, our direction, our tides. We take the small things and make them big and then turn the big things into almost nothing. We take the wrong things and make them right and then sit back and wonder what happened and how it all went wrong. We play with the hands of time and forget all about the sun. We forget that we have no control, so in all of the fear of losing control, we create our own control and we revel in it like a drug. But it's a poison. Because it's all just illusions that manifests itself as control so for just a second we can forget about how everything is so screwed up. So that we can numb our spirit and forget what it's really like to be alive.

Well, I don't want to forget.

But dull needles tick away at our consciousness. Stars tick away at our dreams. People chip away at our heart. And the things that we never forgive ourselves for chip away at our very own soul. Until we are left. We are left with fight or flight, we only save ourselves. And maybe we do. Maybe no one else will. But maybe. Just maybe someone will try. Maybe you will try. Just one soul...one day.

We have nothing left to be scared of. Only the things that we imagine. Only the things that we create with too much time and talentless fingers. Only the webs that we weave. And only the things that WANT us to fear them.

They feed and we give. And the pattern continues until you realize it. And only then can you stop it. Only then can we live.

I don't want to see the ending. I only want to see beginnings. But as I said...everything comes to an end. Whether it be dull or bright, with fire or with rain. Or whether it be with me by your side. Just promise me one thing. Take me somewhere where I don't know how it will end. Take me somewhere where I can't see it coming.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Hang Up

The blue sky has turned to gray.
You picked a lucky dandelion and it blew away.
You lost your four leaf clover.
Nothing but dirt in your hands.
You thought that you'd cross that bridge over but instead you're sinking in quick sand.

Let it hang up.
Just leave it out to dry.
Like clothes on the line, wind blowing high.
You put your love in a basket, tucked away and had it.
But you never know who you are running from.
So let it hang up.

Your silver lining is shining,  but it's not quite silver.
And sometimes you feel just so damn little.
You never know where to go.
Pull yourself up, or just hang low?
You know, you blend in hoping that you'll never find yourself again.

But I bet your bow string is tighter.
I bet your aim is straighter.
I bet your arrow is sharper...
Than the bravest.
Than the bravest.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Hide Somewhere Like That

Hi friends, fans, and followers! I'm back! My computer wasn't working for a little while. I had had it for four and half years and the poor thing finally gave up on me. It was a loyal fellow:) But I had to replace it with a new one, purchased by my amazing husband and best friend! So that I can continue my writing and work! While my computer was down, my hands were busy. I won't load it all on you at once. Definate sensory overload! But I do have a couple of new things for you right now! I hope you like it! Remember, feedback is always, always welcome!

Hide Somewhere Like That

Light bulb flickers,
Light bulb breaks.
Shards beneath my feet,
Shards have dirtied up the slate.
Ice fall covers,
Ice fall satiates.
Frozen on the lips of lovers,
Catching breath a little too late.

And all we are is a dream...
Darling...
Wandering alone so it seems...
Falling...
Stars fall into empty hands,
Stardust falls on empty stands.
I'm going to hide somewhere like that someday.
I'm going to hide somewhere like that someday...
Anyway...

Rainbow kisses,
Down our throats,
Never needed anything,
But bare feet beating paths into dirt.
We only needed air to breathe.
Inhale the smoke,
Let out the flame.
We don't mind being broke,
And you don't need to know my name.

A filled up tavern,
Whiskey strong.
Never fearing,
Living wrong.

I'm going to hide somewhere like that someday.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Broken Castle

Try it in a day.
Try it again in a week.
Or maybe in a year.
Just come back around.
Maybe it's in the stars.
Or in another cities lights.
Shining on the cars.
Reveling in the bright.
Glowing bright.

Try it in the sun.
Think back to when we were younger.
Look for me down the road.
Unpaved, cracked, and walking slower than before.
Try it just once more.

Broken street lamps in my dreams.
Castle stair steps.
You never know where they may lead or drop off.
Crowns, and gold, and shining things.
They never meant anything to you or me.
We lived to learn and then learned to see.

Chipped off memories.
Falling on the page.
Dust has settled a little every year.
Building our age.
The world is our stage.

Maybe in another world.
Maybe in a separate dream.
Maybe in another lifetime.
Just come back around.
I liked the way that you shined.

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Many Ways To Say It

Lessons of life. My lessons I've learned. Where to go? How to do it? We never come with directions do we? Like we would need any anyway. It's not like we would follow them. It would be like taking someone's advice that we never intend to actually do anything with. We nod politely about how others think we should live and do what we want anyway.

And we have the right to do that. HA! Lessons. Mistakes. Failure. Watch me fall. Watch me writhe. Watch me succeed and go way further than you EVER thought I would. Watch me.

So what lessons am I thinking about today? Nothing really. What I've been thinking about today...and well, lately...as in the past few days is more around the lines of honesty. Honesty! Such a stress reliever right?

I wouldn't know. I've always been honest to a fault. When I'm asked. But most of the time I'm not. Especially about the important things. So I don't say anything at all. What if I wanted to say Good-bye? Or you screwed me over? Or you really messed up? Or I hate what you've become? Or I hate how you can't be honest with yourself? How can it be so easy to lie? To yourself for goodness sake? But what about this? What if...I didn't care? What if I could leave it behind?

There are some people that you have to put in the past. It's where they belong. Digging them up would be like digging up a grave. Like reliving not only the best but worst days of your life. It would be like trying to reverse what can never be.

There are some people that you have to lovingly and adoringly set aside and forget on most days and remember for just a second on very few. No matter how hard it may be. There are some people that you have to tuck away in your heart of hearts. You have to put them in that small room you have reserved back for only them, and you have to lock that door.

And then? Then...there are some of those people (we all know at least one) that you have to put in your past with a sweet finger gesture or two and a therapeutic piss off.

Whether it's the beautiful souls that have lightened your path in life, the ones that you will never forget, or the people that taught you a lesson, or even the ones that were a complete mistake. Put them away.

Put them in your heart. Make them a memory. Throw them in the trash if they're toxic. But don't drink them and turn them into poison. Because, darling, if there is one thing that I know, I know that even the sweetest times can be made bitter. Even the most treasured moments can kill you.

There are MANY ways to say it...
Good-bye.
Good riddance.
I'll see you in the next life.
We'll meet again among the stars.
Always in my dreams.
I'll miss you terribly.
Or...
Fuck off.
And..
Never again.

They are all hard. But they are necessary. Walk away. Leave it like a dream. Walk the gravel road until you find a paved one. Unless you like that gravel road...then continue on it. It's your decision. Just don't look back. Don't let the ghosts find you wherever you may go. And don't let something so simple become so haunting. Don't let it damage you. Don't let it define you. And by God's grace, don't let it own you.