A Thank You That I Want To Share With Everybody

For thinking of me while creating this vast beautiful world, I thank you. Without you I would have no existence. My children would cease to exist. I would not have been able to experience such beauty, such magic, a surreal dream in the waking. I would not be able to hear the pitter patter of a child's footsteps on the floor, or up the stairs. I would not be able to see the smiles and amazing faces of every single person that I love. I would not be able to feel the grass beneath my feet on summer nights, or the freezing of the snow on the bare trees in the winter. I would not be able to climb those trees, or hunt in the woods that you have provided. I would not be able to run through the winding paths, between the branches, or smell the fresh dirt and rotting of fallen leaves and dead wood. I would not be able to love, live...be. Thank you God.

I would be filled with a dirtiness that I could not clean or get any redemption from. It would have eaten away at me until I was completely devoured and it ceased my existence. I never would have been good enough. I never would have known what a clean slate was. I would have never known what it would be like to have someone die for me. I would have never known true love. I would have never felt the pureness of a soul. I would have never known you. You were beaten until your blood ran through the crevices of the cracked earth, you bled, you pained, you were there. With my face in mind, my sins wracking your body. I would not know grace or forgiveness today. Thank you Jesus.

I'm so glad I wondered the darker roads. Because the light that I had come to along those dark roads was beautifully blinding. The paths that I had taken were dirty and charred. I had burned them to the ground and I had walked them alone. I had lost compassion for myself. I had lost faith in myself. I had simply lost...myself. and you found me. You saw me. You're eyes sung a song that I had only dreamed of hearing before. One of those songs you would only hear on a hot summer night, toes dipped into a lake, the stars shining bright. It was my fist experience at brightness. I'm thankful for the unknown way that I had taken to get there. For the invitation to a church I no longer belonged to. I'm thankful that God, and the universe, and the stars pushed me to go. Because we were written in the stars. They would have been incomplete without us. The sky would have never been the same. I love your brown eyes and sense of humor. I love how you can make me laugh even when I would think it to be impossible, or how you can even do it at the worst possible times. I love our stupid fights that we are over in 5,4,3,2,1...:) I love making fun of cheesy movies with you and our silent conversations. I love you. Thank you John.

I waited and waited for a love as pure as ours. Untouched, never tainted. clean and white as snow. I waited and waited for a love where I knew that I could in no doubt die for someone without a second thought or hesitation. Just jump in and die. That's what I wanted. Something worth dying for. And now I have two things worth dying for. You are my salvation, you are my will at sheer survival, you are my death if you need it to be. But that is okay. With my last breath I will scream I love you. With my last bits of energy I will reach to you. I will reach into a tomorrow where you are protected. Where you are safe and guided. Where you are simply alive. You influence my decisions and offer me dreams that I never knew I had until you. You allow me to succeed and do things that I never dreamt possible. And I do it all for you. My life is for you. You have saved me. And I will save you every single time, no matter how impossible or difficult that it may seem. I will be there even when I know you are wrong. My love will continue into a forever that will never...ever end. You are magic. You are real. You are mine. And I am yours. And let me tell you a secret. There is no end to a love as pure and warm, and beautiful and radiant as ours. Nothing could ever separate us. Thank you Steven and Jewel, my blue eyed boy, and green eyed girl. You are more than a dream.

There are so many people, so many things to be thankful for. And I could type out my thanks all day and night. For all of those that I didn't mention. For all of those that know you belong here. I thank you as well.

Favorite

I'm doing a little something different for everyone! This is for those who love the beauty in words as much as I do. For those who think human beings can create magic through writing. And for all of those who's very own being was changed with the whisperings and reading of a sentence or two. This is for all of my fellow readers and writers alike. This is for the lover of black and white, ink stains, long nights, silence, withheld words, and simple beauty in the things that we can create from truth, no matter how hard it is.

Here is a list of my top 20 quotes. Note that there is so much writing out there that I love so very much, that it was hard to pick just 20. So the following just so happens to be the ones that popped out at me first. The quotes below are taken from Wuthering Heights, The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Divergent Trilogy, the Fallen books, and from Shakespeare, and Edgar Allan Poe:)Not even close to the books I have, but the first ones that I grabbed.

1) "For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And, so, all the night tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride..."

2) "What am I? What do I need to overcome my fears? I know the answer, of course I do: I need to deny them the power to control me. I need to know that I am stronger than they are."

3)"Take away someone's fear, or low intelligence, or dishonesty... and you take away their compassion. Take away someone's aggression and you take away their motivation or their ability to assert themselves. Take away their selfishness and you take away their sense of self-preservation."

4)"I am too strong to break so easily, and I become better, sharper, every time I touch him."

5) "Be brave."

6)"Becoming fearless is not the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, that's the point."

7) "Would he find her? Without question. Would he save her? Always."

8) "The sun persists in rising, so I make myself stand."

9) "The only thing stronger than fear is hope."

10) "Fire is catching, if we burn, you burn with us."

11) "We believe in facing our fears, no matter the cost  to our comfort, or happiness, or even our sanity."

12) "He's more myself than I am, whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

13) "Fire burns brighter in the darkness."

14) "We believe in freedom from fear, in denying fear the power to influence our decisions."

15) "May my heart be ever at your service."

16) "Are you, are you coming to the tree? Where a necklace of rope side my side with me? Stranger things have happened, no stranger would it be, if we met up at the hanging tree."

17) "I suppose a fire that bright is not meant to last."

18) "There are so many ways to be brave in this world... sometimes it's no more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of everyday, the slow walk toward a better life. That is the sort of bravery I must have now."

19) "I have not broken your heart- you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine."

20) "Be with me always- take any form- drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

Thanks you guys! If you want and have some time, let's talk literature! What are some of your favorite books and quotes?

Brave

In him my hope, faith, and dreams collide into something magical and unbreakable. There is beauty and an indescribable pureness that radiates through my every fiber, my entire being. On the heart and the soul. Visible through the eyes. He condemns no scars or marks. He judges no past or faults. His purity makes me clean and fresh, shining like new found treasure. He dusts me off, cleans the slate, and signifies my life. He walks me down narrow, unknown paths, forgotten territory, and keeps the evil that waits to devour me at bay. Their sharp teeth waiting. Claws hungry for fresh flesh.

He is there through the damage, turning of tides, rage, anger, screams, and sorrow. He is there through the torrential downpours, and gives me the courage and strength that I need to get up, fight, and believe in myself again. He will fight with me the whole time, and cleanse my wounds in water at the end. And I feel alive. And I feel raw and real. And for the first time I feel something holy. Maybe it's the ground beneath me. Maybe it's his blood. Maybe it's my tears. But there it is. A holiness that makes me weep salt, and water, and peace.

The peace will last as long as I need and I will heal. Then the war changes.

Now...the storms will come and they will rage. They will tear me down, but they can never destroy me again. Because for the first time I matter to someone. You matter to someone. Someone loves us more than he could ever love himself. He would die a thousand times over to prove it.

He loves me despite my messes, and constant mistakes, and imperfections. He loves you despite the clothes that you wear, the tattoos we have, how you feel, or how I look on my bad days. And with that kind of love I am whole. I am good enough. I am powerful enough, because he gives me the faith to believe it. In return I have faith in him.

You are free. We are beautiful and pure. The darkness will melt. The sun will take on a whole new significance and we you are never alone again.

We are never alone again.
I am safe.
I am strong.
I am brave.

An Errant Entry: What do I fear?

My kids asked me last night what I feared. When they asked me I found that I couldn't even look them in the eye. I couldn't tell them 'nothing' as badly as the word wanted to escape my tongue. My daughters big green eyes alive and waiting. My son silent in the night.

"What are you afraid of Mommy?"

What I am afraid of I can't even think about. I can't let it enter my mind, because the fear consumes me until I panic. I feel like if I think it, it will happen. What you fear you create. I don't want to create my own fears. They are too despicable to face, to look in the eye, to feel. I just want to fight and destroy them.

I can't write them on paper. I can't let them slip from my fingers and bleed into ink. To do so makes it concrete. Evident. Inescapable. So what do I say when they ask me what I'm afraid of?

"Go to sleep darlings. It's none of your concern. You're alright and safe. There is nothing to be scared of?"

What I didn't, what I couldn't and cannot say.

"The monsters are too big to call out."