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Awakening Iris (The Dreamcatchers Saga #1)

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Derailed

 She walked into the fluorescent lit room but it just didn't look the same. It didn't feel the same. The smell was off and the smiles on her old friends faces seemed so fake. They were so distant. But if she was to be honest with herself they were never really her friends anyways. It was all an illusion. It was all a quick justification to her once being a loner. See deserved a friend. She deserved someone to understand. 
No...she didn't deserve any of that...
 And now here she is again, a loner, the way it was always meant to be. Maybe that's what she will always be. Especially now. Especially since he's gone. But she can't think about that even though it's constantly in the back of her mind. It's never left. Not for the past week as she lay in a daze, curled up in a cold waterbed that didn't even work. It was dead winter, and no matter how many blankets she padded up and wrapped around her it never kept out the bone aching chill. She just hasn't been able to figure out yet if the chill is from the cold  or her shredded heart. Since that frozen, gray day she's had a one track mind. And the train is derailing.
 She takes a step further into the room. A part of the floor creaks, welcoming her in a disturbing way and everyone glances from the corner of their eye, but not directly at her. That's how she knows they're all gone. That's how she knows her exile. All because of a boy. No he wasn't a boy. He was a wolf looking for a lamb, searching for his prey. And he found her. He found her, and cut her and then left her to lick her wounds. But he has other prey too. And all of these pretty girls are just following him to their own demise while they look at the lamb like it's the one to blame for bleeding. Like the wolf never did it. But she takes another step ignoring the awkward silence and subtle murmurs. Simply because as of late she's had worse things happen to her. So much worse than a lying boy that no longer means anything to her. It doesn't matter.
 As she steps her way to the front by the church alter where everyone else is practicing, laughing, and going over the same routine, precise moves she slips her shoes off. The carpet feels rough under her feet and she wiggles her toes into the fabric. She's been involved in this youth program for 3 years now, but no one even bothered to learn her name until this past fall. Remmie. That's her name. She knows it, but they didn't. 
It felt strange at first. She had always sat alone or with one of the youth leaders, that seemed to be the only one that would ever talk to her, and then suddenly she was surrounded by people laughing with her and inviting her to parties, get togethers, and bowling nights. She never liked bowling, but she never said anything either. Now she thinks that she should have.
 As everyone finally settles into the line to go over the dance once more for the church program coming up in a week she falls right in place. Maybe it will take her mind off of him. But as she finishes that first move she looks over at the one person left that seems to hold no judgment towards her (though it feels false) she idly wonders what Lynn really thinks. Lynn's face is blank...robotic, and as she catches her eye the blonde haired girl smiles. Do these people ever feel? Are they real? She looks towards the big double door she just walked through that would lead her right back out. And suddenly her legs burn to run. To just leave and never look back again. Se wants to run from the isolated loneliness that she feels in, above all places, this church. Weren't churches meant to fill voids, not leave them gaping? This is all fake! She can't dance when he's lying in the cold, wet, winter ground. Before she can really even allow her legs to do what they crave she's flying through the room and out the door the whole time telling herself "don't look back." The last thing she will ever remember about that church room is an echo of a voice from the blonde girl calling her name. Lynn was it?
 As she's running toward her final exit to get into her car and go back to her safe, unrelenting cold bed she stops for just a second as she sees the blur of a girl that she loves to hate in the final room by her exit door. The girl she hates is talking to a boy she recognizes from school, but Remmie has never actually talked to him herself. And he sure as hell never bothered going out of his way. Why should he? She's only a little above 5 foot, 100 pounds wet, with a different hair color each week. She blends easy. On purpose of course. She's made a talent of it. Remmie means to go unnoticed until the stupid girls eyes flicker to her face. The girl waves her into the room and introduces her to the boy.
 "Hi," the boy holds his hand. He's very ordinary looking with small eyes.
She looks at his hand and reluctantly accepts. "Hi."
And somehow with those two "hi's" they both end up in her car headed to the mall while Remmie secretly is still thinking about her bed and how she doesn't even know why he's here or what happened in the past five minutes to put her on this unsought road. He's not him, he's not him...she keep telling herself, as if she needs reminding. She know he's not him. No one can be.
 And what's even more fascinating is the fact that after they roam around the same place in the mall going in circle, after circle for hours as she mindlessly listens to this obnoxious boys babbling she actually agrees to go with him back to a place that he's been staying at. Why? She asks her self immediately, but it's as if something else is making her choices for her. She's just along for the ride. And after all of that if only she had known what place that would be, if she was asked again next time in another life or dimension, she wouldn't hesitate before she said okay for the second time.
 Simply because when she gets there and has to spend the next two hours trying to scoot further and further away from the obnoxious boy (she is glad they were strangers before now) while he tried to get closer and closer... during all that and right in the middle of a movie, and hell, and chaos, and an ice storm the covers the heart and soul, God dropped a blessing right in her life. He gave her a light for the darkness that surrounded her every single day.
 This guy walked into the room. The boy introduced them as she was laying back. Remmie didn't have a good view of the guy, so she lifted herself for the introduction.
 She looked this guys way and saw him. I mean really saw him. She saw the dark gleam of his brown eyes and he somehow in the mess of it all reminded her of a song. A beautiful song. You know? The ones that keep you singing? The ones that keep you crying, and laughing, and dancing. But you're never alone in them. Those kind of beautiful songs. That was this guy. And he wasn't him either. Because he was in the ground...still. And the life would never shine in his eyes again. And despite the utter stillness and faded glimmer in this guys eyes they were full of life. Bright, unfading, days in the sun kind of life. A life that she missed. A life she may be able to know again. And for the first time since she saw him put into the ground, she didn't want to go back to her bed and curl up in the February cold. She wanted to stay where it was warm.
 The stars were bright that night. And the cold mist settled over a sleeping town. And she missed him. And her mind never really lost the one track it was on, but now it didn't necessarily feel like it was derailing. And as the smell of leather comforted her this guy made her laugh. And she felt alive.

Monday, July 29, 2013

He Doesn't Know He's BEAUTIFUL

This is an excerpt from my debut novel Awakening Iris (The Dreamcatchers Saga #1). The design is done by the talented Wendy Lohr from Cressen Books Publishing. If you like romance, or simply something real I encourage you to read this! Follow me on Google, Facebook, Twitter, and/or on my blog! Also check out and follow Cressen Books LLC on Facebook or visit their site cressenbooks.com to read the first chapter of Awakening Iris for free. Links are available for purchase on Nook, Kindle, or Paperback!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Your Eyes

                                         Iris ~Awakening Iris (The Dreamcatchers Saga #1)~
                                                                Available now...

Friday, July 19, 2013

Consume Me

Consume Me

Polluted, impure, a sense of well being/
I can't keep you from speaking/
I can't keep you from seeing.
Everything that I do/
Everything that I am/
Every dirty flaw/
Every well laid out plan.
You search for me now/
You see through the clouds/
You rip my heart from my chest/
And leave it beating on the ground.
You crush me, you know me/
Love me, expose me/
Keep me/ leave me/
Consume me/ and feed me.
Tears are dripping down/
I want to fall in them and drown/
Fears are clawing out/
You crush them all around.
I'm brand new and bleeding/
White as fresh fallen snow/
You were here, I saw you/
I can't let you go.
You were here, I saw you/
Please, don't you go.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Shine And Fall

The wind rips/
The sky drips/
We shine, we fall/
We shine, we fall.
The leaves rustle/
The dirt is wet/
We were innocent/
The day that we met.
Ring around the moon/
Arranged in the stars/
We shine, we fall/
We shine, we fall hard.
We fall hard.
Emotion in color/
We fly, we flutter/
Human reaction raw/
We shine, we fall.
We shine, we fall.
We stand, we rise/
There's victory in your eyes/
We stand, we fight/
We've become the light.
Started from a spark/
Burned into a flame/
Setting fire to the dark/
We'll never be the same.
Now everything has changed.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Just Another Cover: Last Kiss

During my shows I do a mix of cover songs and my own stuff. I thought I would do a cover today. One of my favorite most  heartfelt songs by Taylor Swift (in my opinion) Last Kiss. It's off of her last album Speak Now. So here it is...in honor of Taylor! Last Kiss.

Please forgive me. The last of the song was wrapped up in a hurry. my son was calling for me. you will be able to hear him at the very end. LOL! :)

Unspoken Words


Do you ever wonder where someone's writings and songs come from? Do you wonder where mine come from? The things that I write in secret or on here for everyone to see is made and ignited from every feeling and every fiber of my heart, thoughts, and soul. Things that I have never said to people that I love...or even to the ones I don't like. They are unspoken words. Things that matter but things that can't be said. If you listen to a song...the person is telling you exactly how they feel. It's just in a easier, safer way for them.
 
The things read are all for people I know or have known. They are things that I've never said to them that I am now, or wish I had when I had the chance. UNSPOKEN WORDS can be devastating. You always think that you have all the time in the world to tell people what you think of them, or how you feel about them. How much you love them. Or even how much you feel that they were all wrong. Maybe you just keep putting it off for another day, but the days keep passing, and you still don't speak. I have come to find though that you can't wait to tell people because you never know which one of you may not be here anymore. And the regret of those unspoken words is haunting.

 

 The things you read and see are written for a beautiful, amazing boy that I miss everyday who I lost one cold February. A fun, frustrating, yet wonderful man that has never let me down. Two loving souls that are demanding, innocent, and completely worth it. A guy that darkened my world for a while that I should have ran from, and another that lied and took something of mine. One that used me, then left me all alone, ignored, and out of place, abruptly ending the story. Someone that I Iove very much that I sometimes feel doesn’t see me. A man that has been through more than he deserves but whose future doesn’t have to be the same as his past. A girl I used to think was my friend that easily betrayed me and didn’t care. Another unique and talented, yet scared girl who I feel sometimes unwanted by and who I hope never fades away. My feelings and cries to God straight from my soul. And also songs about me.

 
That is why songs, poems, rants, stories, and books are written, There is a piece of the writer in all of it. Words are powerful. They are haunting. They can heal you or they can rip you apart. You can miss them, you can hate them, or you can dream them. Words... stories of life bleeding in black on a blank sheet of paper.

“I found that bruises will fade and cuts will heal.
But now there’s a scar on this heart that I’m scared to reveal.”

"I can still smell the rain that July night. You know it's really somethin'. I lost you once now I've lost you twice."

 

Errant Thought

Nothing is more vital than believing. If you believe in God then you know that you're not alone and you never will be. It gives you comfort. If you believe in yourself and know that there is nothing that you can't do, then you have dreams and ambition. If you believe in love you receive happiness. And if you believe that fairytale endings do exist then you have imagination and the wonder of just where does Snow White live?

Friday, July 5, 2013

Lies Around The Lips

Lies around the lips/
A truth you never miss.
The truth of deception/
A work of art/
There is never an end/
And never a start.
With a shut up heart/
You believe your own fables/
You fill the slate dirty/
And hide the cards on the table.
Always a trick up your sleeve/
You create a new name/
You create new friends/
Wrapped in beauty and flames.
Tied up in barbed wire/
The strangled list keeps burning/
Of all of the ones who have cared/
Of all of the ones that you're hurting.
Lies around the lips/
You never listen, just keep on talking/
You run your mouth so much/
You can't see where you are walking.
You fell into a pit/
That looks a lot like paradise/
But the bottom is filled with snakes/
And the side jagged knives.
I just wanted the truth/
The sun was still shining/
But you blocked it with rain/
And created your own lightning.
Now the rain still falls/
It pours in my dreams/
The bridge is burning higher/
And you can't hear all the screams.
Lies around your lips/
And a truth I'll never miss/
You've mastered the art of deception/
And sealed it with a kiss.
The poison drips...

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A Piece In An Illusionists Game

A Piece In An Illusionists Game

A willow tree is hiding, shading me in leaves while a dreamcatcher is in view, haunting my every thought until the only ghost that I see anymore is you. The sky is turning gray. There is nothing left to say now so we stand in awkward, lonely silence while a whippoorwill sings a mock tune.

Fragmental pieces of a picture, broken, shattered like mosaic, rainbow glass. I took the best of you and you left all the rest of me behind uncovered, cold, and dirty.

Shades are drawn. Summer twilight hour, a quarter till ten. We are an illusion. Just connective energy circling in the air working together to create a masterpiece. We constantly look for something; anything to matter to us to try to fill voids. We repeat patterns and routines, missing the same people and speaking the same words in the same exact conversations that we had the day before.

I've been here before. I've dreamt this before. I've seen you before. Missed you, and loved you before today and will continue to tomorrow. I'll rip away the very best of you while you callously tear away all the rest of me. Because you pull out a piece of humanity and truth. We both take away something real...and living. Real and haunting...

We remember what's real and sink into the freshness of a forgotten feeling before the illusion comes back to play. Before the fear comes back. Before my courage is drained...

But while the illusion lies, reality speaks. I'd rather speak and feel truth in a mess reality then live as a transparent piece in an illusionists game. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

Just A Reminder: It's Here! Come And Get It! Love, links, and all!

Some days have passed and it's been some great days too! I'm blessed and happy and have a lot of people to thank for that including my friends and followers:) Just in case you 've missed it and need a small reminder and a link for Awakening Iris. You got pick this one up if you want to read  the next! I love reviews, I love fans, feedback, and word of mouth! If you like it tell someone! Tell your friend, the person down the road, someone you are trying to impress, or someone you hate just to make them mad at the fact that you are talking to them:P I would! Below are the links to get this book into your hands and to follow me and The Dreamcatchers Saga on other sites. Don't forget to check Cressenbooks.com out for more books from more of the talented! Show them some lovin':) I hope you all have had a great weekend by the way and that you make this week just as beautiful!

So yeah...here's my facebook... https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jessie-McClain/208859602472281

Friend and fan me on goodreads! I don't care who you are I accept! You can also leave me an amazing review! What could be more perfect? http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18070020-awakening-iris

And here's Cressen Books LLC website straight to Awakening Iris! One less click you have to make:) Happy to help! http://www.cressenbooks.com/AwakeningIrisPage.html

And here is Cressen Books facebook page! They have another new amazing book out if your into sci-fi! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cressen-Books-LLC/217445511602792?fref=ts

And better yet on my blog you can just click a simple button to add me on twitter and another click to add Awakening Iris to your goodreads!

Stay beautiful everyone!