Honeysuckle and Dew

Decayed leaves from a twisted tree,
Tethered to the ground and as bent as me.
Freedom is here but it doesn't come cheap,
Pay the price for your keep.
Ashes are scattered and carried by the wind,
The realization that some things just won't mend.
Broken hearts bleed red, perfect and neat,
Just as perfect as the leaves bleeding black under my feet.
Grey skies and ice is spitting,
Oh, I can count the storm from where I'm sitting.
A hundred feet away, a thousand years ago,
Under a million Rose petals on top of the snow.
Cracks are in the ceiling forming strange shapes,
Casting odd shadows the longer I wait.
Ravens burst out from a nearby limb,
They'll be back though I'll never know when.
The blackberry bushes are dead and crackled,
Our feelings for what it's worth is well trained and shackled.
What is an illusion?
What's classified as a lie?
The smile I fake or the secrets you hide?
I remember this place with Honeysuckle and dew,
It smelled so sweet and was as untamable as you.
I remember the fireflies, bats soaring high,
We remember the magic before there were lies.
So let us make a deal now?
You remember me and I will remember you,
We'll recall together the Honeysuckle and the dew.
Because now decayed leaves scatter the ground,
In the same spot where we're starstruck and bound.

Here's my story of "The Girl With Flowers."

You tell a story of another time.
You tell a story that isn't mine.
But I will listen.

A girl dances barefoot here.
Flowers wound in her hair.
Her eyes glisten innocence.

Meadows, breeze, and a distant rope.
They hang her, hate her, 'till she chokes.
A bird sings a tune.

She leaves fighting, she goes mad.
He was all she ever had.
All she had ever held on to.

What we love will die first.
It quenches the worlds undying thirst.
The dancing ceases.

I tell a story of another time.
I tell a story quite defined.
But no one will listen.

My words go unheard.
My words are from another world.
When I read this they still won't listen.

Who will read this when I'm gone?
Who will understand my song?
Who will appreciate my hours?

A penny for my thoughts.
All pre-packaged and well bought.
Just like my girl with flowers.

Just like the girl with flowers.

An entry...A letter of honesty Feb/13

Such a strange, beautiful, lonely, profound existance. Even though we may have someone we are still alone in our own mind. Thoughts come back burning and turning into colors we can relate memories too. Sight, sense, smell. I touch you with my fingertips just to prove to myself that you are real. You are here and not just in my dreams. I close my eyes and swear that I can see you just as before. We never really got over it. We never really let go of us.

The things in this life that should baffle us holds no more suprise. We become unfeeling, used to the same cycle, pattern, same routine. Three a.m phone calls, screaming and injuries more so on the heart, spirit, and self worth than the actual flesh. Your veins are on fire and you run from your fears. But you fear so much that they all blend together. You eventually go back to an aching restless sleep just so that you can waste more time...

Flowers fall from the trees pathing a way for us but you follow the path the black wolf leads you down instead, hot coals burning your feet. Eyes are on fire, you burn, but you won't burn alone. Never. You'll take the ones that have done this to you with you for one person can not suffer silently by ones self. And why should they be free? They started the fire and watched it spread freely while rinsing the blood from their own hands and wiping the slate clean.

It's all an illusion, a scheme dear. We are all actors playing a vital role while trying to carry a piece of humanity with us.

Most of all what I want out of this strange, beautiful, lonely, and profound life that I call mine is to love and be loved in return. And I want to keep what innocence that I have left. I want to hide it safe from the cruel world. They can't have it. Don;t let them take yours!

And now you darling...you are safe. I will cover you up, rest easy. I will fight for you even it means my own life. You will live. You will survive. You will grow old. And you...you my dear will have a story to tell. Tell it.

And remember my story. Start your own and remember dear one that I all do I do for you. All of my choices were made for you. You have given me something precious. You have taken my fears and your love alone as given me a fearless, undying strength as strong as my armor and sword and that darling...that is all that I need. Thank you! But most of all remember that I have loved you...

Jess

Tomorrow Hopes

Today I saw you on the street.
This big wide world and we still meet.
I said "Hey, how you been?"
We sit and talk for a while.
In a diner, I've missed your smile.
You seem to be ok.

Yesterday wasn't good enough.
Next week holds way too much.
Today all we do is cope.
But tomorrow, tomorrow hopes.

We talk of weather, coffee, and old times.
We never say what's really on our mind.
It comes around burning in our heads.
Where's are guard? We should see a wall.
But instead our defenses fall.
A ghost of mistakes we can't take back.

Tomorrow hopes you're here with me.
Tomorrow hopes you'll never leave.
Tomorrow hopes we both shine.
And tomorrow hopes I'll call you mine.

Tomorrow Hopes.

Kaleidoscope

I said I'd meet you at the tracks but you never came.
Wildflowers strewn everywhere waiting for the rain.
First impressions never say anything.
Because if they did I wouldn't have thought you to be something.
And you were something.

Kaleidoscope of you and me.
Fragments on the ground.
But there you are...
Safe and sound.

How long I will wait for a ghost to never come.
The flowers died in the sun.
We never really know what we're scared of, running from.

I would have followed you.
I would have called for you.
I would have fought for you.
Set fire for you.
I would have breathe you in.
Sink into my skin.
I would have loved you out.
We'll never know...now.

I waited at the tracks.
You never came back.
Flowers everywhere.
Waiting for you there...

Fragments/ An entry

Stolen pieces and fragments of the past. Skipped forward, embedded, to make sure that it lasts. I had lost myself in you and that was a mistake. It's a sad life that we've made for each other. Mirrors brand you and force you to see your flaws. Inertia and flesh rips exposed parts, fresh and raw. It all comes back in small glimpses are a world scattered and destitute. We are made out of muscle, bone, and sinew sewn together and lit. Strike a match and there's a blaze of red. A new face merges with the old, streaked and aged.

Pale and everlasting as an immortal born long ago and tragically unseen. Maybe we never really know how we got here. Maybe we'll never exactly recount for every course we traveled that has led us down this unpathed road. Because really...we never follow a particular path. Instead we all tear out our own, ripping the roses from the dirt and we bleeding from the thorns every...single...time. Everytime. We ignore the Honeysuckle's screams and follow the caw of that black crow instead. How smart? How stupid of us? Everytime like an untrained dog we do the same thing, but we're more dangerous to ourselves. We have the inept ablility to destroy our own senses and logical thinking. We have the ability to make permanent decisions.

We have the ongoing purpose of fulfilling our own design. We become selfish. We become concrete and we push away the hardest the people we love the most. Masachists? Informal and discreet we sit in the shadows, waiting for our chance to come alive and repeat the pretty lies told to us that we have come to believe ourself.

I remember how you made me feel and everything was so real to me. Feelings and words morph into one and brings unemotional detached binds that chain me to the wall. Shackles and grey concrete floors. Black sheep or white? Who cares? Forget the cleche' analogies for a second and focus on my own skin. I look for a bit of it and compare it to your own because I want to look nothing like you.

I woke up on my back in a strange land away from anything I was connected to. I was screaming, but you just stood and laughed. You told me to put on a pretty smile and wear my lace dresses with white pearls. Curl my hair and decorate it with flowers. Cover my face. Cover myself with only stories you have portrayed. Because don't we all fear reality?

So there are stolen pieces and fragmental sections placed together into mosaic hearts from the past. They have been forgotten but in some realm lasts evermore. I've ripped the last rose petal and got caught in barbed wire. My knees are scraped and my face a little dirty. I followed the bird hoping it would take me higher with it. How smart I was! Or how stupid...to think that I could survive the wolf's den.

Dreams

Dreams? Things that have happened. Things that could have been that never will be. Real or not real? A vision or hallucination? A memory or false hopes of what you wanted it to be like? It all becomes a blur and blends perfectly and serenly into your own version of what reality is.

I've had dreams of my own. I dream we meet in coversation about everything warm there is to talk about. Never about anything that has happened and we never mention the future. It's simply present and I like it. It's preferable to time, because it ticks and passes and is much too forceful. You and me. Green hills and thick woods, pathed with wildflowers and roses. That's where I'll find you and you can find me.

Dreams of rough waters and beasts. Twisting grey and purple skies writhing in pain. Torrents and rapids, dark choppy waves and freezy cold. A white dress becomes drenched and streamed with red. It floats around me, becomes my own, my pale skin shivers and my hands tremble. For what? Fear? Hope? Something or someone that may never ever come?

The dreams will never end for you or for me. And who would want them to? Fearful or brilliant it is ours and it takes us to places that we will never be. We will never see it with our eyes, only our imagination. Only in our memories or were they dreams?

I had a dream.
It seemed more like memories.
They took me back to the very beginning.
There was you and there was me, sitting in the grass by that old tree.
They flashed to the scene of the road that we used to walk.
And then on the side of the bridge where we used to talk.
Our legs dangling over the ledge.
You’re smile always kept me on the edge.
I never understood what exactly love was.
I never understood until you taught me what it does.
Your eyes made a path for me at night.
I knew I wouldn’t get lost, you shined so bright.
Your heart was like a lantern I held in my hand.
Your arms a warm place that I could land.
My own heart beat like the music of a drum.
You’d follow the sound for a safe place to run.
When enemies pressed in I never got scared.
Because no matter where I’d turn you would always be there.
I never thought it would end.
I never thought it could.
I imagined it would be exactly the way it should.
The next thing I know we’re standing on a hill.
The trees were blowing, everything else was still.
For some reason I knew this is where we would part.
I couldn’t rewind it, change it, or restart.
You left me a final kiss and one backwards glance.
The light quickly faded, there was no second chance.
Everything turned dark and eerie shades of gray.
I was scared I was lost and would never see day.
My heart barely beat, I couldn’t hear the sound.
When at one time it pumped strong, and loud.
The lantern in my hand faded to dim and my coal black dress blew in the wind.
A storm was approaching, lightning struck the sky.
Time stood still while the world flew by.
I woke up gasping as for my last breath.
And realized you were only a dream to begin with.
You are my dream I count on to live.

Errant Thoughts: You've Led Me Here

It starts with a simple thought, inspired from nowhere. It starts with a sentence on a crumpled up page. It starts with ink. pencil, charcoal, or lipstick. And it has no end...

Woven together like brand new fibers. A spark. A flame. It comes alive and causes havoc on those intranced. Chain reaction. Cause and event. Chained together into on universe.

Hint of light in a dark forsaken tunnel. The smell of decay seeps through the rotten cracks and I don't know where the light is coming from. But I remember it in my soul, somewhere repressed and lacking. It's so new yet familiar. I seen it before. I know it's touch no my skin. Maybe not now, not recently. Maybe not even in the past ten years. Maybe...just maybe it's from a past life that I once knew as my own. But real it is. Fresh air is forever foreign to me. Chained, shackled on hard concrete. Spiders scurry to their web. It smells of rot.

Then...woven threads binded perfectly, knitted with crafted fingers that never lost hope of it's masterpiece. It's never to be torn. A magical spell cast to bade it everlasting. You broke the curse, and we both know hell. The ghosts we've seen are none other then you and me, but wake from my sleep I did. The tomb reached deaths claw at my throat. It was angry with me for escaping, but escape I did...because of you.

You held my hand and I wasn't scared anymore. My fear ceased, my caring ceased. In fact I have ceased to care about anything except for you, and the wind, and the sun, and the grass beneath my feet. Dandilions smile, the roses grin, pink and white, and beckoning me, willing me to survive. And I will...because of you. Your eyes, your path has led me here.