A Sigh of Relief

A Sigh of Relief

When I had this child seven years ago, at 5:10 a.m, I didn't realize at how much laughter was in my future. My entire life, I had never really had any girls in my life, non at least that made me feel like I was an important piece of their life anyway. I was usually the third (or fourth wheel) around other girls, I could never quite make myself care about the stuff they did, and it seemed to me that I was pretty much disposable. And a lot of times, they proved I was. But now, seven years after Jewel has been born, I know that she is the only girl I need in my life. This little one, though so much younger, is my very best friend. We understand each other. We laugh about the same things. We love the same things. And though, just as in any other relationship, we have been frustrated with each other at times, we always end up and hour later writing songs together or singing the Gilmore Girls song (with Jewel swearing "Mommy, we are just like them.") But no, Jewel, we are so much more:)
I have this tendency to associate people with different colors. John is red, like fire and courage. Stevie seems more blue, like the ever changing sky. But Jewel? I could never quite pinpoint. She's iridescent. She's translucent. Yet she's opaque. And, at times, even like a piece of mosaic art. She's a sliver of magic brought to me. As a mother, I selfishly want to keep that magic. I don't want it to slip through my fingers and turn to dust. I don't want the fire of it to burn out. But I am selfish. Because I know that magic should be shared. Jewel's smiles and jokes should be seen and told. Her voice should be heard. Her arms placed around your neck. Because it is an earthly, healing touch. A sigh of relief for the soul. And with Jewel, you are never disposable. You are important. You are gravity. And it feels so good to be someone else s gravity for a change.
Happy Birthday, baby Jewel. I will eternally love you. To the moon, stars, even the milky way, and back. That love, Darling, is infinite. Just like you.

Faithful and Devoted

Timeless and real.
Peace and hopefulness.
Love and security.
Absolution.
Salvation.
Immortality.
Health and vision.
Clarity.
Life.

Everything we want in this world. Everything we all strive to get, hold, and touch. Everything that seems out of our grasp. We run to it, but it seems our tunnel keeps stretching and we have no end in sight. We are lost in darkness. We are chained to the cracked and dirty walls.

But salvation comes.
We see light.
We hear silence and the chatter dissolves around us. It reverberates in our ears and it draws the moisture from our eyes.


Everything we can have through Him.
He is faithful to us and is passionately devoted.
We are his people.
He is the King.
Our Father.
Our God.

He has power over the skies, the waters, the wind, and earth.
He speaks and we tremble.
And how amazing it is, that he is on our side.

Review for Prophecy Revealed (The Soul of Arial #1)

If escaping into this particular book you will enter a world of afterlife like you have never seen it. From fantastic beginning to mind gripping end you will be turning the pages wondering what is going to happen on the next page and then the next chapter and then at the end. Arial's sarcasm is amusing, the Great One's antics are repulsive yet frighteningly funny, and you start wishing that you had a pair of magical wings and beautiful cuffs!

The interactions between the characters flowed naturally and it's just as if you were in the room with them listening to their conversations. The strength and courage that Arial portrays (especially when faced with her need to protect others) is outstanding and is something that we as humans should do daily for each other.

So as the prophecy is revealed I am much looking forward to finding out how exactly this prophecy is handled!

This piece of artwork is highly recommended, and I assure you is a piece that will be remembered and entirely enjoyed. Just be sure you have nothing to do that day. You'll get angry is you have to put it down:)

The link for more information is below!

http://cressenbooks.com/ProphecyRevealedPage.html

Tear Me Down to Build Me Up/ Thoughts And Writing

I was thinking aloud and writing. I hope you enjoy!

But I Am Never Far...

I am timeless.
An old soul that craves conversation and emotion that doesn't involve technology and icons.
I am the lover of flowers and tea out of tea pots on concrete patios with aged round tables.
I am the admirer of gardens and balconies. 
Of stars and sunsets.
I am the reader of solid books. 
The paper aged or fresh, smelling of dreams and faraway places.
I am the girl who runs barefoot in the meadows and splashes in the puddles, wild and careless.
I am the one with her hair filled with tangles and knots but I have better things to do like lay in the sunshine and talk to the birds perched in the trees.
I am the girl with bare fingernails and a fresh face because I'd rather spend my money on something that can fill my soul.
You can find me in thrift stores and at garage sales more than you would a mall. 
When you search for me look in cafe's, coffee shops, tea shops, or anywhere that you can find live music; talking to strangers like I've known them my whole life. I'd be there over a club or popular hangout.
Because I am the girl who would rather listen to someone with their guitar on a small stage working for tips than a spoiled talentless brat who has machines sound good for them on an album.
I am the one who truly is sorry when you feel I am not listening. It's just that my imagination has pulled me into another world once again. 
I do care, I promise.
Please don't shake me awake. Please don't stomp on my visions for the calamity of others. 
Because I am the lover of all things beautiful.
I am the believer of all things good. 
And, no, this does not make me oblivious to the tragedies and messiness of the world we live in. I will be willing to fight for my beliefs when it comes to it. But right now, the time does not call my name. So let me drift. Let me fly. Let me see the potential and colors in others.
Let me see what makes us all so different but yet the same.
Come to me with your problems and I will try to help with my view.
I will be all heart.
In return I ask that you do not suppress and that you do not suffocate.
If I run, let me. I will not go far. And I will always come back.
If I ask you to run with me, please do. I don't ask everyone and I promise I can open up doors.
Because I am the old soul who runs barefoot and lies down in warm summer rains. 
I am the admirer of tea, gardens, and balconies.
I am the one who talks to strangers and is not afraid to dive instead of tip-toe.
I am the lover of flowers and all things timeless.
I am the lover of conversations, family, and friends.
And when I love, I love limitless and deep. I love in acceptance so you can be freed. I love...
I am the hopeful.
I am the faithful.
But please, Dear, be patient with me if I seem far away. I am not. I am only imagining worlds where we both belong as thorough and infinite as the stars I study. 
Know that I will never be far from your side.
  

Sunlight and Tea

It all starts with sunlight and tea.
Colors swirl and blend into something precious and tender.
It begins amazing, like a first kiss or a flicker to a flame and it's as graceful as a ballerina sweeping across a wooden floor in a dance of innocence and magic.
Our life is the dance of all ages.
It's the beat to our drum.
And the magic to the pen that writes our book, chapter by fantastic chapter.
We spin and twirl throughout the day.
We call it monotony.
We call it routine.
We call it anything but what it should be called.
Life.
And we ignore the abundance that overflows.
"My cup overfloweth."
My cup...
Our energies intertwine with other energies and spark off new lights that only our souls can see and our hearts can feel. 
Our eyes are diluted, our senses dulled by words and hate and mockery.
We recall other more beautiful words that make us feel better.
The ones that make us feel alive and freed from any bonds or chains that we have set upon ourselves.
You are beautiful.
You are a mess.
You are so unique. A one of a kind.
You are a tragedy.
You are a kaleidoscope of every human emotion. Every extraordinary experience. 
We search for these letters of meaning because when we look in the mirror we see anything but meaning.
We see recklessness.
We see a smudge of grays blended into a fog.
But it all starts with sunlight and tea.
And some of the most important things that we'll never be able to see in ourselves.
It begins amazing, like a first kiss or a flicker to a flame.
And it ends with moon glow and streetlights.
Our life is the dance of all ages.
It's the beat to our own drum.
It's wild and childlike.
And each chapter we write is permanent. Neither time nor want can erase it from the pages. It cannot be burned or destroyed. That's the magic in the ink. 
That's the timelessness in our souls.
Just as some rob others of theirs we can give to others this thing that we call monotony or routine.
Life. 
That's what it's called.
And it's so beautiful.
Just so in the tragedy of it all as it is in the wonderous dance of it all.
And "My cup overfloweth" Dear Lord. 
My cup...
I am beautiful.
I am a mess.
I am as different as the thorn from the rose.
And I am even a tragedy.
Because I am a kaleidoscope of every human emotion. 
Raw and real and filled to the brim with stardust and pure magic.
And it all starts with sunlight and tea.

Amen

I could be lonely. I could be selfish, and maybe I am. I could be blind. Maybe I'm shaded. I could be the cynical, the hateful and hated.  But I choose love for those who also choose love. Love for each other and the underdog. Love for those losing the battle and who needs a friend to help them fight despite the odds. Love for the war torn country that stands for everything that I believe in. And I love those who love them as well.

I have been blessed in this life with every throbbing beat of my heart and every drop of red that pumps through my veins. I have been given people to love, and so many of them. And I love them all in all different shades and colors of what love can be or mean. I love them without measurement or definition. I love them with the speed of light and sound combined. I love so many that my prayers at night would be hours long if I were to name them with all that they need. And that is blessed, my friend.

Lord God, our Father in heaven,

I pray for protection and safety over my family and all who I hold dear to me. I pray that you heal them in their own individual ways that only you can know of. I pray that you strip them of any illness and make them whole and new. I pray that you give them strength and courage to make the right decisions even if they are tough and mean sacrifice. I pray, Lord, that you help them accomplish what they think to be impossible and that you find a way to let them know that you are always, always with them. That they are never alone, even when they feel like the only one left in the world. I pray that they prosper and persevere and love so flawlessly and unconditionally. I pray they find it in them to always plant their feet firmly on the ground in the morning and that you take away any of their pain. I pray that they know the dawn, orange-bruised sunset, and sparkling shining stars and hold them forever and well in their minds eye, heart and soul. I pray that they hold everything dear to them in places that no man can touch or take away. And finally, we love you, and I pray that you love us the same despite, our let downs, weaknesses, and perfect imperfections. We will never be you or be on your level, but we are loved by you nonetheless and hope that you know, KNOW, that we are grateful. And we know as long as we have our faith, and as long as we hold our hope nothing can really hurt us and we will be okay. We will be just fine. And, God, I pray for a little of the same. Thank you for your blessings and for hearing my prayer.

In your name, I pray this...
Amen.

You. Just Hold On

Let me tell a story.

This is a hard story for me to tell. It's definitely not one I would share to just anyone over a nice dinner. In fact, as I sit and write this, I'm second guessing myself, wondering if I should push that backspace button. Why? Because a very prideful part of me is ashamed, even though I know that I shouldn't be. A very fearful part of me is scared, for so many reasons and none at all.

Once, there was this girl. She was sixteen and curled up at the end of her bed on her bedroom floor. In one hand she clutched a phone as the other hand was balled up at her side. The girls rope lights that hung along her ceiling over her scattered artwork of pieced together posters and magazine clippings shined brightly in gold just as they always did because she was scared to turn them off. She was frightened of what it would feel like in the dark, and she can't remember the last time she slept in it. To her left The Eagles played on her CD player and the blankets and sheets were tossed about, falling haphazardly off of her bed.

This sixteen year old girl, this being who had barely had any time to really live, was drowning. The sea roared in her ears and tugged at her spirit and suffocated her fire. She was a beautiful, respectable, perfectly well- consumed, and remarkable train wreck. She was a ship set on self destruct and a toy in an army of fools. She was a small, yet desirable piece to a wicked set of games, and a empathetic, sensitive piece of a soul that always felt just a little too much and always fell a little too hard. And this girl wasn't even crying. She was sobbing. She wasn't hurt. She was crushed into dust, left to be stepped on. She hadn't just lost a piece of herself and had simply and poetically fallen apart. She was broken into tiny, glittering fragments. And she wasn't just missing something. She was undeniably hollow inside.

She had wondered if anyone would ever miss her as much as she would miss them. Would anyone love her even more than she could ever imagine? Would anyone in this world ever see her? Understand her? Could there ever be anyone to piece her together instead of tear her apart? She felt a pain so real to her at the time, she would do anything to make it stop. And her mind wondered to the darkest parts, the pits that only slide into deeper valleys and trenches. And in these trenches she wondered to herself to what extent would she go to make it all go away.

All because of a boy. A useless, selfish boy that would never know any better, who would never do any better. A boy who cared so little that he didn't even feel when he left a trail of pitiful destruction in his wake. He was a tornado and she was a tree. He was water and she was fire. He was the wolf and she was the mindless sheep. At the time she didn't know this. She didn't know about another more important man that she would meet in less than two years. She didn't know that he would look at her in a way where it felt the world shifted and that she mattered. She didn't know that the smell of leather would become one of her favorite scents and that she would love frosty starlit nights. She didn't know that she would marry this man who was, at the time, in Germany. She didn't know that so many others things would matter and that she would eventually not even be able to recall what that boy really even looked like. She didn't know that over time his face would fade from her memory and that she would never in a million years connect him with the word love. But she should have known. She should have.

I remember this night so clearly. Because I was that sixteen year old girl. It's not because this was my only bad night, because in the course of that toxic relationship I had a lot, A LOT, of bad nights. And it's not because this night really held any kind of epiphany or self revelation for me. In fact, I often wondered why this night has always been held so vividly in my mind. And I think it's because it's the lowest I had been. At such a tender age I had hit rock bottom and went even further down to sink into the black abyss. At only sixteen!

So here's my point. And this is why I am telling this story that may not even matter to some.

It's because I was at such a pivotal time in my life right then. Anything could have tugged me off of one side or the other. Any trivial thing could have swayed me. And that can be scary. In hindsight I don't believe that I would have done anything so permanent and impulsive, but just simply how sad and alone I had felt that night was enough.

But I pressed on and I survived. I saw the sunrise and another sunset and the twinkling of the white light stars. And because of that it all passed. Everything from that night went away and I shed it like a layer of dead skin. And when I awoke I was new again. The day was new again. And I could do anything that I wanted with it. And now, here I am, almost twelve years later, married to that guy who sees me, who loves me, who is loyal to me, who gave me a new appreciation for the smell of leather and frosty starlit nights. And I don't even remember that boy. Because he never mattered in the grand scheme of things. And what has never mattered can be just simply washed away. Clean the slate. Start fresh. Wipe all of the dirtiness of that past self's existence away. Come to terms with your scars, fresh and raw, and then allow them to heal and shine. Don't hide them. Don't be ashamed of them. Because they are your story. They are what make you , you. And they are proof that you've made it through your own personal hells and came out a freaking warrior.

Now? Now I am listening to my eight year old son and six year old daughter play, and then fight, and then play, and then fight in the next room. And that is okay. Because this is what I wanted! This is what I've been blessed with! This is what is in my cards and what I have wanted all along! And the only thing that matters at the end of the day are their pitter patter of footsteps running down the hall, and the two of them talking at bedtime when they are supposed to be asleep, and their bedtime prayer and song, and how they are all of a sudden thirsty when they are curled up under the covers instead of before they climb into bed.What matters at the end of the day is the kiss I get from my husband, our string of shows that we watch loyally every single week and laugh about, the tea that I make us and how I can't put the fitted sheet on our bed so he does it for me.

So what I'm trying to say is, is it all gets better. You, that sixteen year old who stumbled across this. It gets so much better! You are not even close to the peak of the best years of your life. Don't give another thought about that boy that hurt you, or that rumor that was spread, or what people think of you. Move along! Open a new door if one has been slammed on you. There are so many doors out there. Thank God for your opportunities because he's the reason that you have them! Take them and hold on to them for all that you are worth, because you are worth a whole hell of a lot.

This isn't coming from some girl a decade older than you that "thinks" that they understand you, or "thinks" that they have been there. I'm telling you. I HAVE been there. I HAVE had my heart shatter, rumors spread about me, and my blood spilled. I have been worried over and have done the worrying. I have been to therapy and have made tons of mistakes. And I will STILL tell you. It. Gets. Better. It gets...heavenly.

Trust me. This stranger telling you this. Because one day, when you do pull through, and you are content and happy and filled to the top with laughter and love, you will remember this. And you'll finally realize that I was right.

So hold on. Hold on damn tight. And  wait for it. Wait patiently. Because in the end, it will all be worth it.

Thank you: A Trip In The Life of...

I will be the first to say that I was a teenager that I hope and pray my daughter will not become. I was a roiling pain in the ass with an attitude and temper so flaring I wonder how I didn't run everyone I love away. I embarrass myself of decisions that I had made, things that I have done even though I would never take them back because it has allowed me to develop into the person I am today. It has given me wisdom and experience and a new-found appreciation for everything that I have.

Come on, everyone knows it, when you are 14 you start to notice boys. You want to be older, braver, sexier and you think you are so damn smart. And then 15 rolls around and you have just come to the conclusion throughout that year you've become a genius! You have self pronounced yourself as queen and everyone should just bow down to you and do as you damn well wish and if they don't you will throw a tantrum (which isn't really adult like in hindsight.) And then, oh!, that 16th year! You are dating boys that your parents hate and swear that you are in love, but yet you are so confused because, yeah, you notice this other boy over there. Well, hell, maybe you're in love with him too! Because, yeah, we all know that always happens. See me internally laugh right now. Because as we all know, you get older, and when you finally fall in love, like deep down in the rabbit hole I am mad kind of love, it's with only one person. And we don't give a shit about the guy across the street. 

Anyways, I guess my point is, is that at this specific time, you know, you're 16th ish year, you feel so misunderstood. And you feel that the one person that probably understands you less than anyone in this world is your mother. Yes! Your mother. The mom that you had resided in for 9 months, bathed in her heartbeat, and had been lulled by lullabies even at that premature stage in your life. The mom that willingly went through the pain that equalized around 12 fractured ribs at once,and the one person that risked every second of their life just to protect you. The mom that gave her food to you just because she wanted you to eat even if meant that she wouldn't. The mom who shared her drinks and didn't say a word about your toddler slobber dripping back into her cup. The mom that cleaned up your vomit and slept in the chair beside you all night and insisted that you weren't dying when you said you were going to write a will even though you had nothing but a used up stereo, Pat Benatar CD and cucumber melon body spray to give away. The mom that has cried when you weren't looking, who never told you how much your words had ever hurt you, who showed you how much your pathetic song or home-made card was actually worth to her, who wrote you secret notes and stuck them in a box under her bed, and who prayed for nothing but your complete safety and happiness every single night. The mom who lost sleep and weight and most of her sanity to ensure your happiness, survival, and livelihood. The mother who went to every one of your choir concerts even though she was sick and running a fever. The mother who used rent or food money to get you a particular prom dress that you had your eye on, and then shoes and make-up afterward! The mom who would take you window shopping and out for pizza and maybe even buy you something despite the fact that she found something that she liked right before you pointed out this "amazing shirt" so she got that instead. The amazing person who is probably the only one in this world who will ever really truly understand who you are down to your core. At 16 she doesn't understand you. But at 27 you know that she is and was the only one who really ever did.

I understand now, and appreciate, and almost even cry over the sacrifice, the patience, the sincerity, and the hardship of this kind of love. I don't know if I understand it more now because I am a mother myself or if it's just because I simply got older. But either way, I get it now, mom. I understand. I know. And I thank you.

And to any 14, 15, or 16 year old reading this. You will understand someday too. That boy right now doesn't matter, even though you'll read this and say "yes he does!" That shirt, those shoes, that friend, and that new movie that you want to see without your mom tagging along doesn't matter. But that angel watching over you even when you don't know sure in the hell does. Yes, you are getting older, and yes, you are getting smarter, no, you are still not queen. But remember, as you are getting older so is your mother. And even though this may be disturbing to her, it is also terrifying and amazing all at once to her to see you getting older as well. Older and beautiful and more independent by each passing day.One day you won't need her, and it will kill her inside, but she will sit in silence as long as you are happy. Just remember, you may not think that she understands but she does. And she will not judge you. She will not hurt you or say nasty things to or about you. She will love you and help you and hold you. No. Matter. What.

My mom has taught me so much in my 27 years so far. So much that I didn't even really pick up on at the time that I think about now. Here's 27. One for each year!

1: How it's okay to be different.
2: Always stand your ground. It keeps you fighting for something.And fighting, well, you know you're still alive. It gives you purpose.
3: If you don't know your purpose, don't stop looking until you find it.
4: Be the voice for the voiceless.
5: Different isn't always so different from you.
6: Keep an open mind. 
7: Because people who judge are assholes.
8: You won't go straight to hell for something as simple as making some mistakes and, you know, living.
9: Just take the criticism.
10: Don't start a fight, but finish it.
11: People suck sometimes. They just do.
12: Calm down. You're not going to die.
13: Blackberries are amazing.
14: And so is peach cobbler.
15: Be happy with who you are.
16: Not everyone is good at the same thing.
17: Ghostee movies are great!
18: I really am your best friend in disguise.
19: Experience in all music genres is "A" okay!
20: Sacrifice. Simply.
21: Even though you're 27 I will still buy you things because I can.
22: You're mom telling you it's okay is really sometimes all you need to hear.
23: She's usually right.
24: What being happy for someone else really means.
25: Love someone despite their hair color, lifestyle, or how many tattoos they have.
26: You can't live without tea.
27: You are not crazy.

I love you, mom, and I'm glad that we are a part of each other. Here's a song for you, and even for my own ragamuffins <3

Jess

 

Gravity

Once upon a time, a long time ago people wanted and craved the attention of other individuals. They wanted someone to rely on. To notice them. They wanted to be touched and loved and they wanted to revel in it like it was the only piece of good they had in their lives, the only form of light through all the darkness.

Over time fantasies had shifted, story book hero's have been proven to be liars, statues have cracked and faded, and so has our thoughts, timeless as they may be. Our choice preferences, and our image has simply changed. Fairy tales have disappeared and are deemed childish and immature and holding onto the idea of someone special is wrong.

The thing is, is everything needs balance. It's a laws of physics! It states that in the law of physics when it comes to balance, if all forces push in on a single object, it will not move. It will not accelerate. It reaches equilibrium. It takes two forces to balance. Two. Gravity and earth.

My point? If it's just us, alone, roaming freely, wild, untamed, what is keeping us on the ground? What is keeping us safe and smart? What is keeping us grounded to what we are? Where we are. Maybe the point is, is to find someone to ground you. Maybe we should try to find someone to help us reach our equilibrium, our own state of balance and gravity. If you're messy, maybe they'll be neat. If you are wild, maybe they are tame. If you wake early, just maybe they sleep late. See what I'm saying?

I've just been thinking, that one of the most peaceful, comfortable things in my life is my own grounding. I feel as if my feet are rooted into this earth. Nothing can take me away unless I choose it. I'm not just floating and drifting like used up trash. I'm here. I am standing, despite everything that I have been through. I am alive! I am strong. I exist. I am...grounded. I just simply am. And when I feel like I am about to fly away. When I feel like it's all closing in. I just think of my feet and where I stand, what I believe in, and all of the many things that I am. I think of my energy, like electricity through my veins, reverberating and healing, glowing brightly like fire. I think. I feel. 

My better half is more rational where as I am at times an irrational over thinker. He is a late sleeper when I'm starting to really like the mornings. He is a procrastinator when I am a doer. He is black and white and I am gray. He is coffee and I am tea. I am rain and he is sunshine. He is almost everything that I am not and I love him entirely. All of him. The wholeness of him. He is my equilibrium. He is the form of my roots. My own personal gravity. My much needed balance in life.

From my own personal experience, loving someone doesn't cage you. It frees you in ways that you've never known. It doesn't stop you. It encourages you. And you can still go where you want, do what you want. You just have someone amazing to do them with. And if your balance is just that good? You will never drift away:) 

Infinite and Real

We all know that it happens. We think too much about our current problems for the day. We concentrate too much on the petty arguments and impasses to realize for just a moment how much the person that you are arguing with means to you. And then we sit back and daydream and think and turn it around in ours heads everything that we would like to say to that person. We think about every little detail that drives us crazy in the best and most spectacular ways. But we never say it. We never express it. We say that we love but we never fully commit to the feeling. We never allow ourselves to be consumed in it, taking life and absorbing into our weak bones and brittle parts. But we need to. We need to allow ourselves to crack open so a little bit of light can come in and heal and mend. So we can find out what we are really missing and experience it in all it's strength and beauty for the first time. I want to tell the people that I love, that I love them. I want to tell them how beautiful they are to me and how much they make my life really count. The stars could cease, the air turn to dust, and gravity lift but they will always, still, anchor my feet to the ground. They are my stars, my moon, my pathway around the sky and through this life. They are my breath of stardust, life, and magic and the gravity that keeps me firmly rooted.

And I want the same. Don't wait for me to go. Don't wait for our hands to part. I want to know how you feel now when it really matters. When this moment is all that counts. Don't wait to utter it into the air or scream it to a wall. Take hold. We are in this together. We are tied and bonded. We are infinite and real. For now? For eternity? For our passage through space and time. Tell me you love me. And tell me that you have felt my own love to your very core all along the way. Tell me that this is all what it seems and that we are alive and full of promises and color. I want to hear it now. Don't wait for it all to end. Because I love you. You matter. It matters. And we're here. Tell me that this is all what it seems and that we are alive and full of promises and color. I want to hear it now. Don't wait for it all to end. Because I love you. You matter. It matters. And we're here.

We are connected. We are real. We are a masterpiece. We are in this moment. And I love you.

Want To Possibly Win A Signed Copy Of Sparks Ignite?!

Alright, friends! Some of you may know that my lucky favorite number is the number 21. So using my favorite number we are going to get more likes and loves for The Dreamcatchers Saga and these amazing and loveable characters we've grown so attached to! And one of you will be rewarded! Once we reach 221 likes for this page every one who has liked this page will be entered into a RANDOM drawing for a free SIGNED copy of Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2) !!! If we exceed that amount (like I know we can do) the winner can expect an extra gift of appreciation with their copy of the book! So like and share and tell everyone that you know! Ready?! Get started! Click below!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Dreamcatchers-Saga/208859602472281?ref=bookmarks

More Pictures!

Below are some more pictures from the reading and signing and also a layout of some artwork drawn by my talented friend, Mendy Williams!

Just A Couple Of Pictures!

Here is just a couple of pictures that I was able to take before the reading yesterday. They are of the beautiful studio that I was blessed enough to hold the reading in. Peaceful Heart Yoga in Franklin Indiana! It was so pretty!

Feb 7 2015 Book Reading and Signing!

Here is a link for today's book reading and signing for Awakening Iris and Sparks Ignite at Peaceful Heart Yoga! My next reading and signing will be April 11 2015 in Nashville Indiana! Get a copy of Awakening Iris and Sparks Ignite today at cressenbooks.com!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCNcLS-SaxA

Thank you to all who came to celebrate, have fun, drink some tea, eat some cupcakes, and spend this enormously blessed day with me!

Beautifully Written

We live changing a little more by each day that passes. We grow, becoming more independent as needy people are often laughed at and shaken loose like a used up toy. We call ourselves experienced. We say that we are fine and train our hearts, minds, and souls to doing everything on their own. Because we will never need anything from anybody. We will never require anything from anybody. We think we are above the people that show any weakness or dependency on another soul. We've closed ourselves off and don't even know that we are the ones suffering. We are suffering because we don't know the feeling of what such intense love can do. We don't know how it feels to banish any thoughts of losing a particular someone because you just can't fathom that kind of tragedy. We think we grow because of the lack of this. This love, this dependency, this devotion. But in reality, we grow with the strength of it.

And we don't find out and swear it won't happen until does happen. Maybe we told ourselves that it wouldn't to get us away from the disappointment that it hasn't yet. Oh, but when it happens, it's like a bomb just exploded in your hands, and everything that you were, and everything that you believed in is gone. Now, all of a sudden you are someone who compromises. You are someone who trusts, even when you don't really want to. You are now the someone that is dependent on the person that just stole your heart. You are the person that you once laughed at. You don't know how this happened. You just know that it did and now you will never be the same. There is no reversing this. You don't know how you will walk out this situation. But you do know that the person you once were is gone.

A new person has emerged with a new and satisfied light in your eyes. Sometimes you are unrecognizable in the the mirror, but you know it's a better you. And you now know the feeling. The feelings of irrevocable, life altering, love. You know how it feels to banish all thoughts of your life without them, because life without them is simply impossible. You are not built to live through that kind impossibility. You morph and change, yet again, not for the first time, and not for the last. But still in every other way permanently. Isn't it simply amazing what effect another human being can have on someone? Flesh, blood, sinew, and one lovely heartbeat, and you simply melt away. And if being dependent is what it requires, so be it. Because we never know how our stories will end, but we do know that with that kind of love, gratitude, and adoration, our story will end up being one beautifully written book.



 

The Good Will Rise

After several discussions today one really weighs on my mind more than others. It's about relationships. I've been going through some type of new revelations with particular relationships lately that I can't quite understand and there are some I have to cut my ties too, for my own benefit.

I don't exactly know where to start, except to say that I'm at a point in my life where I can finally put things in perspective. I know who is important and who is not. I know who to trust and who to be leery of.  I know what to say and what not to say and to who. And I know that I'm not desperate enough to be disposable or just "convenient" to anyone.

I have been blessed enough in my life to see and feel what it is to be loved. To be protected. To be somebody's first choice and way of life. I have also been blessed enough to know what friendship really is. What love really is. 

First...let's get this straight. There are so many different types of relationships that you will have in life. There are relationships between parent and child, and husband and wife. There are family relationships. And there are friend relationships. A relative relationship and relationship with a friend is what I will from here on out be referring to.

Anyways, having been blessed to know what friendship really is, I know that what it is NOT is "give me this, give me that, can I USE you for this, can I USE you for that? I will take this and will give you nothing. You are only convenient." No! Friendship is this. "Let me help you with this, let me give you that. And I don't need anything  from you, but I like the thought that if I did you wouldn't mind. Thank you." Know the difference.

People as of late, I noticed have been confusing friendship with convenience. I have had this problem with someone that can't even be bothered to say "hello" and, just talking to my sister and husband,I had said that I won't be someone's second choice. I won't let that kind of negativity into my life, when my life already has so much happiness anyway. People all have a reason to enter anothers life. Many you won't know right away. It may take years before you know the reason. But it is for a reason. And sometimes it's only temporary. We don't question it. It is what it is.

There are also the people that like to take and take and never give you anything. They just take the very best of you until they bleed you emotionally dry. Sometimes burned bridges cannot be rebuilt. Sometimes people forgive, but they never forget. Sometimes when you shove so many people away they really just won't be there when you need them. People cannot seriously expect to do so many people wrong, and lie, and cheat, and steal so many times and the people you keep burning and killing and bleeding dry will still be there. There may be nothing left of them to take. Maybe they are just hanging on too. And this is what you have done to them. This is what it looks like after the smoke has cleared. This is what it looks like after the fall.

I still believe there is good in this world. And I still believe that the good will always win. Always. And the good side is the side that I will always fight on. But I can't lie. The bad has left such a bitter taste in my mouth. And even sometimes the sweet turns sour. I want someone honest to say something worth while. I want to hear something true from someone. Confirm what I believe in and show me that the good will rise.

You Are Invited!!!

Saturday, February 7th, from 3-4 p.m at Peaceful Heart Yoga Studio in Franklin Indiana I will be doing a book reading/signing for Awakening Iris AND Sparks Ignite! This will be an awesome and fun day filled with reading, books, tea, cupcakes, and friendly conversation! I hope anyone in the area can make it! I'd love to meet you! Spread the word, friends!

Extinguished

You swallow the pills as poison. It's putrid and stinks and kills your relationship with everyone around you. I have been there for you for so long now. And I thought that you were there for me. But now you are all take and take and you never give anything in return. I never even asked for anything from you. I was warned. I should have known all along. You are like the rest of the world and have melted into the darkness of it. Every light that you held shines less and less by each passing day. Every flame that your soul is made of has extinguished.

Your eyes are glazed and you forget about everything that you have bragged and boasted about. You cross lines. You cross the lines lines. You trip and stumble and claim that love is not for you. You are only interested in what people can do for you. What people can give you, so you don't have to work for anything because you fear that you just might not make it. Fear has claimed you. You sit quiet as a coward while others fight for your freedom. Well I'm done fighting. I throw down my sword. I will search for a battle with a better revelation. One that is more likely to come.

I have to bite my tongue and grind my teeth in order to keep from saying that things that you rightly deserve to hear. You have hurt everyone that has ever cared for you. You have killed and destroyed innocence, just mowing it over, leaving a trail of destruction in your wake. You have opened up bright eyes to the horrors of what can reside in this world that they have for long believed in as magical and beautiful. You have taken us, and tried us, and have stomped and screamed and lied and have smiled sadness for so long now that we only see others as untrustworthy. Trust no one and question everyone, right?

You are sick and sad and so far off of the deep end that the cold icy water has done swallowed you under. Does it fill your lungs? Can you breathe by yourself? Or do need to rebuild the bridges of those that can help you...again?

Something Worth While

It's so strange, exciting, and also kind of throws you into a little turmoil when something like a simple smell can take you right back to a specific time in the past, almost like an honest to goodness time machine. I've been in the past lately. But I've dwelt with the good times.

Lately on these bitter cold winter days that I feel down to my bones, I have instead been sitting in a lawn chair in my mind, with an herbal heating pack on my stomach to warm me, a long wrap around scarf loosely around my throat, and my favorite green jacket with a knitted hat. It's early morning and I have a cup of lemon ginger tea pressed between my numb hands and the sun is rising in soft hues of pinks and golds over a large misty lake. Tall hills cover all sides, and the marsh is rippling with foxtails and wildflowers growing by the coast. This is the closest to peace one will ever get. The air is crisp and my lungs inhale deeply to catch every bit of it as if this will never last. Because it won't. So I try to program it into every fiber of my being to recall on days to come.

Next I am hiking long wooded unkempt trails and then getting stranded in a mislabeled one. I'm stuck in a horrible cold shower trying to nudge myself toward the back and away from the ripped see through plastic curtains. Muddy colors run down the drain from the dirt, the fishing, and the heated trails. But I've never minded the dirt. I like the way it smells. Like a bare earth that has yet to be touched by human hands or hatred.

When I finally get to the campfire I'm hungry but refuse to eat anything before the pork stew and the cornbread is done that my grandma is making. So I sit as closely and play with the fire. The nearness of the flames makes my skin tingle and burn hot but I try not to back away because I know that now that I'm used to the heat the cold with be even harder to deal with. Just like everything else in this life. It's hard when you're used to something good and worth keeping and then you get thrown back into the cold and change. And you wish for just one thing you can grasp onto. Like blue flames.

The stars have never been brighter and as I eat my hot stew I point out the constellations to myself and count them, recollecting all of their names, just the way that I learned them in school when we went underneath the big white dome that I looked forward to every single year. And then I idly wonder why I didn't become an astronomer. They twinkle and burn and promise me that for tonight they are all mine.

Oh, God I remember smiling. I remember laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe and the muscles in my stomach ached in protest. I remember time going by so slow and so fast at the same time and how sad it was to have to say goodbye to the wetlands and the beautiful, majestic rotting trees sticking out of the water from where it was flooded years ago.  I remember my grandparents being so giving and never wanting anything in return as we went to a festival full of antiques and wool sweaters. I remember my kids jacket pockets filled to the brim with candy from the parade and how they waddled home with two bags worth. I remember how my grandpa ended up becoming the packing mule and how aside from some jokes he never complained about it the whole time and always, always was patient and smiling. I remember the early morning walks with my grandma around the cove of the lake and us picking bags full of persimmons to make persimmon bread. We fought huge bees and I did everything but climb up the trees, and that's only because there were no lower branches to get a footing on. I remember my son searching for crawdads and frogs and how the butterflies loved my daughter. They flew on her and just laid right there on her chest and head like she was a queen. It was beautiful. I remember joking with my husband all day and I remember the way he looked in colors of the sunset.

How these times were beautiful. How they shined so brightly and clearly in my memory and heart. And oh, how I will remember them to the day I no longer exist. How I live in these moments so vividly. And how I miss them so much. I want to replay them, breathe them in again. But most of all I want to say thank you to God and all of the loved ones who made these moments happen and count for something worth while.

Simply, You.

You take my defenses and shatter them to pieces. You break me every single day, sift through the scarred, marred parts, and then rebuild me into something more beautiful and significant. Into something better that I can be loved and remembered for. You crush the weakness and strengthen my bones. You warm my blood and set my heart on fire. You are everything that I am not. You are everything adore. You are everything that I love to breathe in. And I inhale and focus on the blissful awareness that permeates my every being.

I remember no pain. I can bring what I think it felt like to the front of my mind. I remember the effects but I don't remember the cause. I remember the tears, but I don't recall the sadness. It's nothing that is relevant to my life now. I was once a scared girl and I remember that well. And that's why now I am brave. And it's all because of you. You're simple undeniable presence. You're irrevocable love. You accept everything that I am. Every piece that was in shambles, every shadow or darkness that had drowned out the light. You've loved through it all. Ever scar you have seen as beautiful.

This is my promise to you. To love you. Unconditionally.
To accept you. Undoubtedly.
To see you. And everything that you are. And in every color that you shine.
To relish you. Timidly.
To be in deep gratitude. Of you simplicity.
And to die for you. Without regret. Happily.

You have not saved me. And I have not saved you. But, in other terms, we saved each other. We beat the bitter cold, the relentless waves, and overwhelming loneliness. And in that loneliness and in all that was unholy we found the beauty in what "us" can really mean.

And I won't dare say that I regret my past. That I would take back all that I have weathered and chanced. That I would have rather tip-toed than jumped. That has never been me or the way that I operate. I won't dare say any of this, because I simply don't regret it at all. In fact, I would do it all over again for however long with a knowing smile every step of the way, just knowing without a doubt that in the end my reward for all of my heartbreak and fear and troubles and blood was you. Simply, you.

A Piece The World Doesn't See

There is a war raging inside of us every day. And the warring stems from and consumes every fiber of our heart and mind. There is always a piece of us the rest of the world doesn't see. There is always a piece of me.

Fighting.

Left behind.

Begging for help.

Two parts. The brave, honorable, fearless woman. And the scared, shaking, fearful child. They claw each other. And they hiss and scream. They want to rip each other apart and reassemble into something stronger and better. Because though we can never change, we can always be better then we were the day before. Though we can never go back, we can always move forward. Though we can never rectify our decisions and losses we can avoid grief and conquer our fears. But what about that part of us that is still pissed off? What about that part that is scared every single day? What about the part of us that we want to crush and defy? What about the part of us that refuses to. Or the part that simply can't.

Yes, there is a war. Both of those sides are incredible, terrifying, and powerful beyond all logic. One part hates the other part loves. One part trembles and the other part is steady. One part cries and the other part laughs at the thought of tears. And only one part wins out each day. 

There are so many different masks. And that's what makes me who I am as a being. That is what makes me an original. There is no one else like me. There never will be anyone else like me. Or you. Or any of us as individuals.

So, here's to the dreamer in us.
And the doer.
The scared.
The brave.
The kickass.
The peace pusher.
Here's to the war hero.
And to the misfit.
To the classy.
And the dark.
To the sound mind.
And to the clouded thoughts.
To the underestimated.
And the weak.
To the liar.
The trusting.
And to the strong.

We all rise as one.