After several discussions today one really weighs on my mind more than others. It's about relationships. I've been going through some type of new revelations with particular relationships lately that I can't quite understand and there are some I have to cut my ties too, for my own benefit.
I don't exactly know where to start, except to say that I'm at a point in my life where I can finally put things in perspective. I know who is important and who is not. I know who to trust and who to be leery of. I know what to say and what not to say and to who. And I know that I'm not desperate enough to be disposable or just "convenient" to anyone.
I have been blessed enough in my life to see and feel what it is to be loved. To be protected. To be somebody's first choice and way of life. I have also been blessed enough to know what friendship really is. What love really is.
First...let's get this straight. There are so many different types of relationships that you will have in life. There are relationships between parent and child, and husband and wife. There are family relationships. And there are friend relationships. A relative relationship and relationship with a friend is what I will from here on out be referring to.
Anyways, having been blessed to know what friendship really is, I know that what it is NOT is "give me this, give me that, can I USE you for this, can I USE you for that? I will take this and will give you nothing. You are only convenient." No! Friendship is this. "Let me help you with this, let me give you that. And I don't need anything from you, but I like the thought that if I did you wouldn't mind. Thank you." Know the difference.
People as of late, I noticed have been confusing friendship with convenience. I have had this problem with someone that can't even be bothered to say "hello" and, just talking to my sister and husband,I had said that I won't be someone's second choice. I won't let that kind of negativity into my life, when my life already has so much happiness anyway. People all have a reason to enter anothers life. Many you won't know right away. It may take years before you know the reason. But it is for a reason. And sometimes it's only temporary. We don't question it. It is what it is.
There are also the people that like to take and take and never give you anything. They just take the very best of you until they bleed you emotionally dry. Sometimes burned bridges cannot be rebuilt. Sometimes people forgive, but they never forget. Sometimes when you shove so many people away they really just won't be there when you need them. People cannot seriously expect to do so many people wrong, and lie, and cheat, and steal so many times and the people you keep burning and killing and bleeding dry will still be there. There may be nothing left of them to take. Maybe they are just hanging on too. And this is what you have done to them. This is what it looks like after the smoke has cleared. This is what it looks like after the fall.
I still believe there is good in this world. And I still believe that the good will always win. Always. And the good side is the side that I will always fight on. But I can't lie. The bad has left such a bitter taste in my mouth. And even sometimes the sweet turns sour. I want someone honest to say something worth while. I want to hear something true from someone. Confirm what I believe in and show me that the good will rise.
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