Afraid Of The Sun

Afraid of the Sun
Blue eyes blue/
Blue eyes flame/
You found me here/
I screamed your name.
You've burned within me/
I'm a girl on fire/
And I never knew/
That I have walked that wire.
I've searched for you/
Behind thin trees/
In the branches/
And behind the leaves.
Oh, how I've breathed you in/
I have felt you near/
Fingertips reaching/
But you found me here.
You are in the air/
The water on my skin/
You are invisible and fierce/
Everywhere we have been.
We've met eachother yet again/
In your dream or is it mine?
Our memories have been erased/
And your blue eyes shine.
Brown eyes brown/
Brown eyes saved/
I loved you first/
But he made me brave.
My arrow is aimed/
The bow string released/
My heart is steady/
A dagger at my feet.
Red is red/
Blue veins, green/
I live a life that's mine/
A seperate life unseen.
Yes, you think you know me/
You call me your daughter/
But I'm some one else/
She jumped and he caught her.
You, always you/
You're a simple purple haze/
But still you continue to find me/
In this wayward maze.
When will it be my turn?
When can I be the hero?
Who will win this war,
When the blood count is zero?
Blue eyes blue/
Brown eyes brown/
Yes, I've loved you both/
But he steadys me now.
Pushing out the wicked/
And pulling out the light/
I can't be afraid of the sun anymore/
Nor the stars at night.

Blue eyes haunt me all the time. It's the same shade of blue, never darker or lighter. I see them everywhere in every crowd and on a strangers faces. But they don't belong there. It all seems so wrong. They belong with you, not the kid on the street or the man standing in line at the grocery store. It's all wrong. Every detail branded and remembered. But the memorization is utterly right.

I've screamed the same name in life, in dreams, and in memories. Sometimes they all combine so I can't understand or decipher what is real or what should be. Sometimes it feels like I've dreamed it up on bad days, on the good ones he is as real as he ever was to me. Burning through my veins and pulsating in my blood I smell the same scent that comes from nowhere for just a moment to make the ache worse. Or does it go away? I choose the latter.

The brown eyes I will always remember. Dark and light all at the same time. Two sides of one coin joined together on one side. Sometimes they seem gold and the specks of green are always there. They are the same eyes of my daughters. They are the same eyes that saved me from my own destruction just as much as the blue ones had. My blue ones are gone, the brown ones are here. And oh they could haunt but I hope they never will.

Both colors in seperate eyes saw me the same way. They both saw me for me. Who I am and not who everyone else in th world expected me to be. Acceptance is it's one kind of salvation. I know. And those eyes are the only ones who will ever understand me the way that feels so right. The kind of right where nothing else can possibly go wrong. The day is complete. My life...complete.

Completion...another salvation of it's own.

Oh how I've loved you both. One I loved first but it doesn't take away from how terribly much I love the second. It all ends with one final thought. Which is my favorite eye color? Blue or brown?

They have both made me brave and saw past every gaurd to see me and heal me. They both are the most beautiful colors. The blue as blue as a southern cloudless sky on a hot summer day, and a brown that isn't dark and isn't light but equally both with a strange hue of gold and always, always green speckled in.

Both...I see...everyday.

But because of them I am not afraid of the sun.
Never.