Newfound Grace

First off, you've taught me all of the best things. All of the things that matter the most. You have made my hours seem like minutes, and sometimes my seconds feel like days. But in the end it's all a blur.

It's been good. It's been daring. It's been the ride of a lifetime, but it's been ours. We've lived times with passion and filled to the brim with love. And I am so very lucky to love you and in return be loved by you, my dear.

Darling, we have never looked down, or feared, or doubted. We have never looked back to see how far we have come. We only know what it's like to move ahead. Ahead towards future dances, and kisses, and 'I love you's'. We reach for moonlight, stardust, and pure untouched magic. And we should do this.

We should dance. We owe it to ourselves and each other and our very own heart beats. We owe it to the long nights and even shorter sunny days. We owe it to a thousand days past and a million more to come.

You are so good. So true. So precious.

You still have a bright, undying, unfading fire courses that through your veins and burns in your very bones. And I love that so much about you. You still believe in everything that this world has to offer and my hopes are that it gives you everything that you have ever wanted or dreamed of.

You don't know yet about distance and breaking down. You don't know about destruction and what it feels like to have to try to fix everything. And it's so lovely seeing that reflect in your beautiful eyes. There is something so magical and golden about it.

And finally, just know that you are my home. You are my logic. You are my miracle and my fairytale. You are my knight and my damsel. You are my dragons and crystals. You are my magic. And you, darling, are my newfound grace.

So let's sing loudly. Let's play even when we're not supposed to. Let's laugh and talk and maybe even scream. Let's dance all night instead of sleeping. Let's dream while we're awake. Let's just simply be.

Just for now. And just until the end of all time. And maybe even afterwards. 

Strands Of Sparks

I never saw, never saw it coming.
Braids in my hair,
Flowers if you dare.
We're a pretty train wreck explosion.
And we're sick of games,
Standing up in flames.
They're greedy for riches and the throne.
Magic and dust, lucky us,
Here we are all alone.

And we go down.
On fire.
Hanging onto barbed wire.
Holding hands,
See the lovely strands of sparks,
Slowly igniting my heart.

Cruelty and arrows have done it, done us in.
We've tried our bravery,
Seen a lot lately.
We've smiled more in fear.
And we're in the games,
Standing among the flames.
Killing the riches and the throne.
A trail of blood, lucky us,
We're all alone.

I never saw, never saw it coming,
I'm waiting my turn in line.
Cautious plays, a million trades,
Shooting arrows, let them fly.
Let them fly.

We've smiled more in fear.
And we're in the games,
Among the flames.
Killing riches and the throne.

Manifestations

Everything ends at some point. Everything comes to and end. The good, the bad. The right and wrong. Colors change and fade and dim until they too are different and frayed around the edges. People change on the inside and out until they recreate themselves into another being. Another piece of work. Until they forget who they were and only know themselves as the empty shell that they are now.

Mosaic art forms crumble at our feet and we watch as their once beautiful perfections decay and blow into dust. And we alter.

We alter ourselves. Others change our course, our direction, our tides. We take the small things and make them big and then turn the big things into almost nothing. We take the wrong things and make them right and then sit back and wonder what happened and how it all went wrong. We play with the hands of time and forget all about the sun. We forget that we have no control, so in all of the fear of losing control, we create our own control and we revel in it like a drug. But it's a poison. Because it's all just illusions that manifests itself as control so for just a second we can forget about how everything is so screwed up. So that we can numb our spirit and forget what it's really like to be alive.

Well, I don't want to forget.

But dull needles tick away at our consciousness. Stars tick away at our dreams. People chip away at our heart. And the things that we never forgive ourselves for chip away at our very own soul. Until we are left. We are left with fight or flight, we only save ourselves. And maybe we do. Maybe no one else will. But maybe. Just maybe someone will try. Maybe you will try. Just one soul...one day.

We have nothing left to be scared of. Only the things that we imagine. Only the things that we create with too much time and talentless fingers. Only the webs that we weave. And only the things that WANT us to fear them.

They feed and we give. And the pattern continues until you realize it. And only then can you stop it. Only then can we live.

I don't want to see the ending. I only want to see beginnings. But as I said...everything comes to an end. Whether it be dull or bright, with fire or with rain. Or whether it be with me by your side. Just promise me one thing. Take me somewhere where I don't know how it will end. Take me somewhere where I can't see it coming.

Hang Up

The blue sky has turned to gray.
You picked a lucky dandelion and it blew away.
You lost your four leaf clover.
Nothing but dirt in your hands.
You thought that you'd cross that bridge over but instead you're sinking in quick sand.

Let it hang up.
Just leave it out to dry.
Like clothes on the line, wind blowing high.
You put your love in a basket, tucked away and had it.
But you never know who you are running from.
So let it hang up.

Your silver lining is shining,  but it's not quite silver.
And sometimes you feel just so damn little.
You never know where to go.
Pull yourself up, or just hang low?
You know, you blend in hoping that you'll never find yourself again.

But I bet your bow string is tighter.
I bet your aim is straighter.
I bet your arrow is sharper...
Than the bravest.
Than the bravest.

Hide Somewhere Like That

Hi friends, fans, and followers! I'm back! My computer wasn't working for a little while. I had had it for four and half years and the poor thing finally gave up on me. It was a loyal fellow:) But I had to replace it with a new one, purchased by my amazing husband and best friend! So that I can continue my writing and work! While my computer was down, my hands were busy. I won't load it all on you at once. Definate sensory overload! But I do have a couple of new things for you right now! I hope you like it! Remember, feedback is always, always welcome!

Hide Somewhere Like That

Light bulb flickers,
Light bulb breaks.
Shards beneath my feet,
Shards have dirtied up the slate.
Ice fall covers,
Ice fall satiates.
Frozen on the lips of lovers,
Catching breath a little too late.

And all we are is a dream...
Darling...
Wandering alone so it seems...
Falling...
Stars fall into empty hands,
Stardust falls on empty stands.
I'm going to hide somewhere like that someday.
I'm going to hide somewhere like that someday...
Anyway...

Rainbow kisses,
Down our throats,
Never needed anything,
But bare feet beating paths into dirt.
We only needed air to breathe.
Inhale the smoke,
Let out the flame.
We don't mind being broke,
And you don't need to know my name.

A filled up tavern,
Whiskey strong.
Never fearing,
Living wrong.

I'm going to hide somewhere like that someday.

Broken Castle

Try it in a day.
Try it again in a week.
Or maybe in a year.
Just come back around.
Maybe it's in the stars.
Or in another cities lights.
Shining on the cars.
Reveling in the bright.
Glowing bright.

Try it in the sun.
Think back to when we were younger.
Look for me down the road.
Unpaved, cracked, and walking slower than before.
Try it just once more.

Broken street lamps in my dreams.
Castle stair steps.
You never know where they may lead or drop off.
Crowns, and gold, and shining things.
They never meant anything to you or me.
We lived to learn and then learned to see.

Chipped off memories.
Falling on the page.
Dust has settled a little every year.
Building our age.
The world is our stage.

Maybe in another world.
Maybe in a separate dream.
Maybe in another lifetime.
Just come back around.
I liked the way that you shined.

The Many Ways To Say It

Lessons of life. My lessons I've learned. Where to go? How to do it? We never come with directions do we? Like we would need any anyway. It's not like we would follow them. It would be like taking someone's advice that we never intend to actually do anything with. We nod politely about how others think we should live and do what we want anyway.

And we have the right to do that. HA! Lessons. Mistakes. Failure. Watch me fall. Watch me writhe. Watch me succeed and go way further than you EVER thought I would. Watch me.

So what lessons am I thinking about today? Nothing really. What I've been thinking about today...and well, lately...as in the past few days is more around the lines of honesty. Honesty! Such a stress reliever right?

I wouldn't know. I've always been honest to a fault. When I'm asked. But most of the time I'm not. Especially about the important things. So I don't say anything at all. What if I wanted to say Good-bye? Or you screwed me over? Or you really messed up? Or I hate what you've become? Or I hate how you can't be honest with yourself? How can it be so easy to lie? To yourself for goodness sake? But what about this? What if...I didn't care? What if I could leave it behind?

There are some people that you have to put in the past. It's where they belong. Digging them up would be like digging up a grave. Like reliving not only the best but worst days of your life. It would be like trying to reverse what can never be.

There are some people that you have to lovingly and adoringly set aside and forget on most days and remember for just a second on very few. No matter how hard it may be. There are some people that you have to tuck away in your heart of hearts. You have to put them in that small room you have reserved back for only them, and you have to lock that door.

And then? Then...there are some of those people (we all know at least one) that you have to put in your past with a sweet finger gesture or two and a therapeutic piss off.

Whether it's the beautiful souls that have lightened your path in life, the ones that you will never forget, or the people that taught you a lesson, or even the ones that were a complete mistake. Put them away.

Put them in your heart. Make them a memory. Throw them in the trash if they're toxic. But don't drink them and turn them into poison. Because, darling, if there is one thing that I know, I know that even the sweetest times can be made bitter. Even the most treasured moments can kill you.

There are MANY ways to say it...
Good-bye.
Good riddance.
I'll see you in the next life.
We'll meet again among the stars.
Always in my dreams.
I'll miss you terribly.
Or...
Fuck off.
And..
Never again.

They are all hard. But they are necessary. Walk away. Leave it like a dream. Walk the gravel road until you find a paved one. Unless you like that gravel road...then continue on it. It's your decision. Just don't look back. Don't let the ghosts find you wherever you may go. And don't let something so simple become so haunting. Don't let it damage you. Don't let it define you. And by God's grace, don't let it own you.