Brave

In him my hope, faith, and dreams collide into something magical and unbreakable. There is beauty and an indescribable pureness that radiates through my every fiber, my entire being. On the heart and the soul. Visible through the eyes. He condemns no scars or marks. He judges no past or faults. His purity makes me clean and fresh, shining like new found treasure. He dusts me off, cleans the slate, and signifies my life. He walks me down narrow, unknown paths, forgotten territory, and keeps the evil that waits to devour me at bay. Their sharp teeth waiting. Claws hungry for fresh flesh.

He is there through the damage, turning of tides, rage, anger, screams, and sorrow. He is there through the torrential downpours, and gives me the courage and strength that I need to get up, fight, and believe in myself again. He will fight with me the whole time, and cleanse my wounds in water at the end. And I feel alive. And I feel raw and real. And for the first time I feel something holy. Maybe it's the ground beneath me. Maybe it's his blood. Maybe it's my tears. But there it is. A holiness that makes me weep salt, and water, and peace.

The peace will last as long as I need and I will heal. Then the war changes.

Now...the storms will come and they will rage. They will tear me down, but they can never destroy me again. Because for the first time I matter to someone. You matter to someone. Someone loves us more than he could ever love himself. He would die a thousand times over to prove it.

He loves me despite my messes, and constant mistakes, and imperfections. He loves you despite the clothes that you wear, the tattoos we have, how you feel, or how I look on my bad days. And with that kind of love I am whole. I am good enough. I am powerful enough, because he gives me the faith to believe it. In return I have faith in him.

You are free. We are beautiful and pure. The darkness will melt. The sun will take on a whole new significance and we you are never alone again.

We are never alone again.
I am safe.
I am strong.
I am brave.

An Errant Entry: What do I fear?

My kids asked me last night what I feared. When they asked me I found that I couldn't even look them in the eye. I couldn't tell them 'nothing' as badly as the word wanted to escape my tongue. My daughters big green eyes alive and waiting. My son silent in the night.

"What are you afraid of Mommy?"

What I am afraid of I can't even think about. I can't let it enter my mind, because the fear consumes me until I panic. I feel like if I think it, it will happen. What you fear you create. I don't want to create my own fears. They are too despicable to face, to look in the eye, to feel. I just want to fight and destroy them.

I can't write them on paper. I can't let them slip from my fingers and bleed into ink. To do so makes it concrete. Evident. Inescapable. So what do I say when they ask me what I'm afraid of?

"Go to sleep darlings. It's none of your concern. You're alright and safe. There is nothing to be scared of?"

What I didn't, what I couldn't and cannot say.

"The monsters are too big to call out."

Like An Arrow

Hands held tight in the middle of the night/
I love you makes everything alright/
And I fall...
But not all that far.
I was already there/
When you looked at me.
Blue on blue on these midnight streets.

It's like an arrow set on fire/
The flames grow bright, strong, and wild.
It's like kerosene, match, and spark/
The night is red and our days are marked.

Feathers ruffle lose in my hair/
You grab my waist and we dance like a dare.
I've never been that good and you always knew/
But I don't care when your skins on mine/
Red on red together we shine.

There goes the street/
Flames dark red and neat.
There goes you/
There goes me.
There goes the shadows burning blue and green/
There goes all that's been unseen.

Blue on blue on these midnight streets...

~Ian~ Awakening Iris
Read Awakening Iris (The Dreamcatchers Saga #1) and meet Ian! Get to really know him in Sparks Ignite (The Dreamcatchers Saga #2) coming soon. You'll see all of who he is and a whole other side of him!
Awakening Iris is available on Kindle, Nook, or Paperback. Go to cressenbooks.com for more information!

Acoustic Wings and Angels:)

Thank you :)

Stay

When it gets the hardest, fight a little harder.
When I can't hear God, I need to believe a little stronger.
When I get pushed I will not stay down.
And if you can't see the starlight then you can't see me now.
When they cut me and my  blood pours.
I'll patch myself up and reach for my sword.
I can't see everyone but I sure can see you.
Come on, hold my hand, there's not much more we can do.
If you say that you care, will it make me feel whole?
If you touch my heart will it repair my soul?
If you went away would I even cry?
Could you wipe my tears through the moonlit sky?
Help me rise after I fall.
I can do a lot, but I can't conquer it all.
And I could do it all alone but why would I?
Will you help me thrive or watch me die?
When it gets the hardest, let's saddle it up.
Scream for more until they shut us up.
When I get pushed don't just stand there and smile.
Give me your time, make it worth my while.
And if we watch the stars together beneath a leafless tree.
Will you teach me to breathe?
Will you stay forever with me?

Something that has echoed through my mind time and time again. Will you stay forever with me? No one knows for sure but I guess that's what blind trust is for. Trusting someone is loving them with every bit of yourself never knowing if their love will ever be fully returned to you. Trusting someone is giving them the knife, holding it to your throat, and believing they won't slip. Trusting someone means that if you are in a whole lot of trouble you know that the one you love isn't just sitting back and watching but only planning your rescue. Trusting someone is knowing that they will constantly lift you to the next level instead of drowning you at your already weakest moment. Trusting someone is to know they won't just abandon you in quicksand because it would be so much easier to find someone else. Trusting someone is believing that they think they don't deserve you but secretly knowing they deserve more than you could ever give. Trusting someone is to put your faith and belief and love into them without even expecting them to do the same for you. We just hope. Purely, innocently, and simply. Hope. And with it the world goes around.

Sitting On Gold

That old pendulum swings now/
It has always stood so still/
It waited in silence/
Almost poised to kill.
Beautiful in gold/
A beautiful dart/
An unwed band/
A work of art.
Stand in the quiet/
Life is on pause/
Sing to yourself/
Sing for a cause.
Kiss me in water/
Kiss the dry air/
Know when we get there/
We'll still be nowhere.
Lost in hot sand/
Just like when the princess had went blind/
You'll search the high seas/
For something you'll never find.
Raped by the prince/
Raped from what is safe/
Raped for sleeping still/
Cursed by love and fate.
Oh, the breath has been taken/
By vanity and pride/
Tighten the white corset/
Around the unknowing bride.
The truth is never told/
When you can't let it fail/
It brings out the evil/
In the ones that we hail.
So you threw it away/
For something you hate/
Now your heart bleeds black/
And it's far too late.
You used to be a king/
Sitting on gold/
Now you have fallen hard/
With the demons you hold.