Dreams

Dreams? Things that have happened. Things that could have been that never will be. Real or not real? A vision or hallucination? A memory or false hopes of what you wanted it to be like? It all becomes a blur and blends perfectly and serenly into your own version of what reality is.

I've had dreams of my own. I dream we meet in coversation about everything warm there is to talk about. Never about anything that has happened and we never mention the future. It's simply present and I like it. It's preferable to time, because it ticks and passes and is much too forceful. You and me. Green hills and thick woods, pathed with wildflowers and roses. That's where I'll find you and you can find me.

Dreams of rough waters and beasts. Twisting grey and purple skies writhing in pain. Torrents and rapids, dark choppy waves and freezy cold. A white dress becomes drenched and streamed with red. It floats around me, becomes my own, my pale skin shivers and my hands tremble. For what? Fear? Hope? Something or someone that may never ever come?

The dreams will never end for you or for me. And who would want them to? Fearful or brilliant it is ours and it takes us to places that we will never be. We will never see it with our eyes, only our imagination. Only in our memories or were they dreams?

I had a dream.
It seemed more like memories.
They took me back to the very beginning.
There was you and there was me, sitting in the grass by that old tree.
They flashed to the scene of the road that we used to walk.
And then on the side of the bridge where we used to talk.
Our legs dangling over the ledge.
You’re smile always kept me on the edge.
I never understood what exactly love was.
I never understood until you taught me what it does.
Your eyes made a path for me at night.
I knew I wouldn’t get lost, you shined so bright.
Your heart was like a lantern I held in my hand.
Your arms a warm place that I could land.
My own heart beat like the music of a drum.
You’d follow the sound for a safe place to run.
When enemies pressed in I never got scared.
Because no matter where I’d turn you would always be there.
I never thought it would end.
I never thought it could.
I imagined it would be exactly the way it should.
The next thing I know we’re standing on a hill.
The trees were blowing, everything else was still.
For some reason I knew this is where we would part.
I couldn’t rewind it, change it, or restart.
You left me a final kiss and one backwards glance.
The light quickly faded, there was no second chance.
Everything turned dark and eerie shades of gray.
I was scared I was lost and would never see day.
My heart barely beat, I couldn’t hear the sound.
When at one time it pumped strong, and loud.
The lantern in my hand faded to dim and my coal black dress blew in the wind.
A storm was approaching, lightning struck the sky.
Time stood still while the world flew by.
I woke up gasping as for my last breath.
And realized you were only a dream to begin with.
You are my dream I count on to live.

Errant Thoughts: You've Led Me Here

It starts with a simple thought, inspired from nowhere. It starts with a sentence on a crumpled up page. It starts with ink. pencil, charcoal, or lipstick. And it has no end...

Woven together like brand new fibers. A spark. A flame. It comes alive and causes havoc on those intranced. Chain reaction. Cause and event. Chained together into on universe.

Hint of light in a dark forsaken tunnel. The smell of decay seeps through the rotten cracks and I don't know where the light is coming from. But I remember it in my soul, somewhere repressed and lacking. It's so new yet familiar. I seen it before. I know it's touch no my skin. Maybe not now, not recently. Maybe not even in the past ten years. Maybe...just maybe it's from a past life that I once knew as my own. But real it is. Fresh air is forever foreign to me. Chained, shackled on hard concrete. Spiders scurry to their web. It smells of rot.

Then...woven threads binded perfectly, knitted with crafted fingers that never lost hope of it's masterpiece. It's never to be torn. A magical spell cast to bade it everlasting. You broke the curse, and we both know hell. The ghosts we've seen are none other then you and me, but wake from my sleep I did. The tomb reached deaths claw at my throat. It was angry with me for escaping, but escape I did...because of you.

You held my hand and I wasn't scared anymore. My fear ceased, my caring ceased. In fact I have ceased to care about anything except for you, and the wind, and the sun, and the grass beneath my feet. Dandilions smile, the roses grin, pink and white, and beckoning me, willing me to survive. And I will...because of you. Your eyes, your path has led me here.

Wondering Jewels version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Meet my daughter Jewel! She loves to sing and she insisted on sharing her favorite song with all of you. Let's give her an applause!

Forlorn; The Heart Of It

I sat down with a pen, paper, and open mind today. The result is below.

For the sake of writing, for the sake of it all, let's just say we understand. One more time, and one grand fall, being dealt an unfair hand this time. And this time it's different. This time it's real.This time the glances are right and good. Pretending has become an everyday state of dreaming with our eyes open. Our feet planted down. Steady your heart, brace yourself, you are right for the part dear. Pure as the glass tomb you've come to call home. Endeavored in jewels, inlined in silk. Suddenly it's all become very damn real. What the hell do you do now?
Snow White with braided black hair and lips of blood. Candle apple red in her hand. The wind blows fiercely speaking to her in the shameful way that only she can understand. A cottage off of the shoreline, deep in the woods, enchanted with a spell that had floated like mist. Birds sit, perched high in a tree awaiting the storm and the wild fruit falls. Beasts run to devour the innocent and you are called strange for the way that you think. But it exists the mind and enters the fingertips, pen poised ready to bleed steady black ink.
Dirty windows send off glimpses of strange streaked reflections of a girl you never knew.
Dracula hiding, the wolf held inside you, growling and screaming to turn and be set free to run the way nature had intended. Born to be one way and raised another. Disgust has bred within and a bitterness that you can't counteract.
You notice easily how everything has changed but go crazy staying the same. The world still circulates, and you note the way no one feels the way that you do. They pretend everything is OK because it gets them through their love forsaken day. Pretending. Something that this world has aced itself at. People learn to complain about insignificant things so that they can forget for just a second about the one thing they can't control.
Pretending. People pretend to be who they are not. They pretend to be someone else much cooler, elegant, more beautiful, or sometimes even trashy and spend life avoiding mirrors because it reflects the true beings they really are.
Go the other direction and others live in the mirror seeing only themselves in a diluted state and the outside is projected in a backwards hue. But it's all just a lie. A fanatical existance created by the very heart of it.

Red Sign

Here is a fresh song that I'm actually still working on. Just the lyrics. It's incomplete and still needs work, but I thought I'd share it anyway. Maybe next time you hear of it I will be singing it:)

Red Sign

Laughing about nothing and everything,
Ringing in my ears just the same.
Another moment, another fall.
Another risk to lose it all.
Pretending to be sound asleep,
Oh, just lay here beside me and dream.
And life stands still for just a while,
For just my need to see your smile.

It's the clarity of the time,
It's the lights that pass us by,
It's a picture in my locket,
It's a red sign but we can't stop it.
A red sign and we won't stop.

A two man show is better than one,
At least that's what they say.
I recall the starlight burning on,
Then I watched us fade away.
Another moment, empty page,
And dust settles every year.
We'll live and die with the choices we've made.
Every one that brought us here.

Human emotion,
Darling what a commotion.
We make messes we can't clean up now.
It's scattered ashes,
And used up matches,
Scrambling for a life we can't get back...somehow.

Hello all my loves! Don't forget to SHINE!

Hello all my loves! This is just an update to remind you for instant updates follow me on my fb page!
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You won't regret it! Stay happy and blessed everyone in this amazing new year and (I'll tell you what I always tell my kids) don't forget to always SHINE! You are worth everything that you dream <3

Another Day...(A Tribute)

I wanted to start of saying that yes, it has been a couple of weeks since the tragedy in Connecticut, but two weeks, two years, or twenty years doesn't matter to a mourning parent. While the rest of the world goes on with their lives, 26 lives, and the lives of the parents and family may as well be over. As a parent of a 4 and 5 year old I couldn't and wouldn't want to imagine the pain of my two most precious treaures being ripped from me in a moment. So this is to the twenty children that I never knew. Twenty children that I cried over like they were my own. Twenty children who taught a complete stranger to be grateful for all of the things that you do have, especially your children, because no matter how old you are, life is a blessing, a gift, not a gaurentee.

~Another Day~
Packed away with kisses and a letter saying 'I love you,'
Voices echo through the hall while well intended steps pound the stairs.
Another day, nothing new,
Another day, another empty letter.
I still love you.

Mama, you're my hero, you are the best of friends.
I read it in a picture that never leaves my hand.
I fall asleep lying on your bed,
Your favorite toys reminding me of what everyone else has said.

While the rest of the world forgets my greatest accomplishment,
Hollow eyes and sympathetic smiles wishing us a time well spent,
I recollect the kisses packed away and patter of tiny steps.
Another day, something's changed.
Another moment, I should have saved...you.
Another day, and another unread letter,
I love you.

Mama please, my favorite breakfast before I go to school.
Mama please, let me wear my new dress and favorite pair of shoes.
Daddy please, one more game, I bet I can beat you.
Daddy please, let me help just one more time...just one more time...

Red hair, green eyes,
Blonde hair, blue.
Another set of brown, staring back at you.

While the rest ofd the world forgets my greatest accomplishment.
Small fingers I'll never touch again.
A little something heaven sent.
Your teddy bear smells just...like...you...

And another day, I can't pretend or fake a smile.
'Cause it was another day, but everything has changed.
Another day, I should have kept...you
Another day, another unread letter...
Everything has changed.

*All my love to all of the beautiful children and the parents who brought their beauty into this world. Thank you.*